Feb 27/11

So I joined a website recommended to me by Humber Hospital... 

www.obesityhelp.com

What a great site!  There is SO MUCH information on there.. and not to mention some amazing people!  The site is full of blogs, forums, tips and before and after pictures!  People from all over... and also people that are very close to home which is nice!  

I found out that there are support groups in my area that I can go to.. even now... not just after the surgery.. there are so many people on this journey.. at every stage.. and its sooo nice to know that I am not alone!

I was looking at all of the before and after pictures, and it is just amazing.  For the most part you cant even tell they are the same people.. its such good encouragement!

http://www.obesityhelp.com/morbidobesity/members/before+and+after.php

(before and after pictures)

Everyone is so nice and willing to offer help.  Im starting to get very excited and impatient so I like having this site to go on while Im waiting... Im trying to put things into practice now.. so Im not overwhelmed afterward.. but even the simplest things that we take for granted everyday are super hard to do!  Like chewing  my food... REALLY chewing it.. taking my time and stoping between bites... and sipping my drinks.. not gulping..  its not as easy as you might think lol

Anyway.. I just wanted to say how happy I am to be apart of that website!!!!

18 more days till I see the Dietitian.. and Im soo glad that my husband wants to be there with me.. I just hope I am able to find a babysitter so he can go!  I should also have my last appointment with Dr. Hagen booked soon.. which means I should have my surgery date soon! 

I will keep you posted!!!!

Feb 17/11

What a stressful morning!  i was so worried about having to leave so early this morning, and even though I talked to the kids about it, made their lunches in advance and set out their clothes for them, my daughter still wouldnt listen to Mike and wouldnt get up on time.  So she ended up being 20 minutes late for school, and missed her class field trip.  And even though I know it wasnt my fault and that I had to be at these tests, it still hut that she was crying and screaming on the phone saying that it was my fault because I wasnt there.  I have to keep reminding myself that I am doing this for them, and that it will all be worth it in the end.

I went to the echo cardiogram first and it was uncomfortable to say the least,  and even though i know he was just doing his job, I did feel a bit violated!  First I had to undress from the waist up and put on a hospital gown (that was too small and open at the front so it was pointless.) I was more than a little embarrassed.  He had me lie down and started to do the ultrasound of my heart. He couldnt get a very good reading so he had me roll onto my side and hot my breast up.  It was almost painful at times.  He had to push pretty hard.  I have to say it was heat to see my heart on the monitor.  It reminded me of when I was pregnant with Porkchop and ChickenWing.  

When I was done there I was sent downstairs to the breathing lab.  I had no idea what to expect(a reoccurring theme) The lady (who didnt speak English very well at all) put me in a VERY small glass box that I could hardly fit in, and mad me plug my nose with these weird plastic tweezers, and made me breath into this tube over and over until I almost passed out!  At one point they would force air into me and then make it so I couldnt breath at all. Lets just say its not the best experience for someone who is claustrophobic!

When I was done they sent me to Dr. Shirkins office so I could get the results from the day and from my sleep study. Dr. Shirkin was not the man I thought he was!  I thought the little Russian man was Dr. Shrikin but I was wrong.  He was so nice and gave me all good news.  he said that my sleep study results were good and that although I do snore, I do not have sleep apnea. he said, "Catherine, I wish I could help you, but you are not sick"  He said I was really healthy, young and will do awesome with this surgery.  He told me that  alot of the people he has seen go though this weigh between 500 and 600 pounds and I was one of the smallest patients he had seen.  I cant get over that... for the first time in almost 30 years.. I was considered the small one.

Dr. Shirkin then went on to praise Dr. Hagen left and right... he said that he assisted him once and that he has magic hands.  I also found out that out of all the surgeons, Dr. Hagen is the head surgeon.. that makes me soo happy.  Right now Im just excited to get my final date!  One more month!!!  March 17th cant come fast enough!!!

Feb 15/11

So today I had my Gastric Bypass class.  Sitting in the Bariatric Department surrounded by about 20 other patients.. I have never felt so thin.  Putting that many obese people in a small hot room is not the best idea!  if you know Family Guy it reminded me of the episode where Peter had the fat guy meeting.

Anyway the class itself was very educational.  i was super happy because a lot of the things that they talked about , I already knew.  So it goes to show that homework and research do pay off lol  I bought 5 different books on Gastric Bypass, including "Weight Loss Surgery for Dummies" and its actually really helpful!

The best part about the class is that they really go over the diet.  What to eat at each stage of of recovery, how much, and lists and examples of each thing.  that was something I was really worried about, so I am feeling better about it now.  I think the reality of the whole situation is starting to sink in and Im getting scared.  I know its a life changing operations and I know I need it and want it.. but it still scares me to death!

Going to this class brings me one step closer.  I did find out that the actual surgery is only between one and two hours long, and I should only have to stay in the hospital for 2 days (as long as there are no complications)  I know I will look back at this and feel like it was just yesterday... but right know it feels like this is never going to happen!  

Although, I should really count my blessings because I heard two other patients say that their doctors referred them over a year and a half ago and they were just getting in now... So my 6 months is nothing.  If my surgery is in May, then my whole pre-op journey will only be about 10 months.  I cant wait to be writing about this a year from now!

Feb 9/11

So that brings me to today.  Right now I am sitting in the sleep Clinic at the Humber Hospital, waiting to be hooked up to all sorts of wires.  that way they can monitor my sleeping and see if I have sleep apnea or any other sleep disorders.  I have talked to a few people who have gone through this and I have a feeling that I am not going to sleep every well at all!!  I never imagined that I would have to have all of these tests before the surgery!

 

Feb 10/11
6:00am
So that was probably the worst sleep I have ever had!  They had told me that lights out would be at 9pm, so I stayed up extra late the night before (I havent  gone to bed that early in years!) I arrived at the clinic at 8:30, and then had to sit in my room doing nothing until 10:30 when they finally started to hook me up to 20 different wires (including on my legs, chest, all over my face, behind my ears and even in my hair)

They put two belts around me, one around my chest and the other around my waist. I had a breathing tube in my nose and taped to my face, and something else attached to my middle finger.  They finally got me in to bed around 11pm, and it was like something out of a scary hospital movie.  They left the room but then the doctor came on the loud speaker (he had a very strong Russian accent by the way) He starts to tell me to move my eyes and feet and breathe all different ways...

I am the type of person that nest to change sleeping positions many times throughout the night, so having to lay still on my back all night was really hard.  over and over I would start to drift off only to be startled awake when the wires would start to fall.  I think I finally fell asleep between 1:30 and 2:00.. and then before I knew it, it was 5:30am and the doctors were turning on the lights and ripping wires off my face.  So now here I am at 6:30am, in the hospital waiting area, hoping that Tim Hortons will open soon and waiting for my friend to pick me up.

If I could give a word of advice to anyone about to have a sleep study done... take the next day off because chances are youre going to need a nap!!!

Feb 2/11

Thankfully it worked out that i was already off work that day, and my husband Mike was able to come with me to meet Dr. Hagen.  I was very nervous and didnt know what to expect, so I was so grateful to have Mike with me.   There were a few people in the waiting room, all women, and all bigger than me.  I was honestly afraid that he was going to tell me that I wasnt big enough to have the surgery!  Obviously that wasnt the case!!!  

We didnt have to wait long to see the doctor, which was nice.  He weighed me in at 362 pounds.  he told me that for my height i should weigh around 130 pounds (by the way I think thats complete bull!!!)  He told me that a healthy BMI is between 18 and 22, and that my current BMI is 55. (anything over 30 is considered obese) That means I would have to lose upwards of 200 pounds to reach that weight.  Dr. Hagen said he expects me to lose about 75% of my excess weight in the first year (150lbs)  The most important question I had he answered before I was able to ask ... that I should have my surgery within a month of my last appointment (which as of right now is March 21st) So hopefully in May!  Finally there is a light at the end of the tunnel!!!

It all started.....

It all started on July 15th, 2010 (5 days after my wedding) when I met with my family doctor to go over my weight loss options.  Although on paper I looked pretty healthy (other than my weight) I knew that if I didnt do something now, in five years it would be a different story.

Dr. Brown asked me what I was looking for, and as soon as Gastric Bypass was brought up, we both knew that it was my only option.  he told me he was going to send a referral to a surgeon and that they would call me.

I left the appointment feeling so relieved!  But then the waiting game began.  Months passed without word and a lot of phone tag with Dr. Brown.  Finally i got the call from the Bariatric Clinic at the Humber River Hospital on January 15th, 2011... exactly 6 months to the day of my first meeting with Dr. Brown.

January 31/11
My mom came with me to my first info/orientation session.  It meant so much to have her there with me since I really didnt know what to expect.  there were a lot of people there, and to be honest, most of them made me feel small.  That alone made me question if I should even be there.

Regardless, the session was very informative and I really learned a lot about the procedure.  i have to  admit that it scared me as well.  Between the things that could go wrong, and all of the side effects, not to mention the  alarming death rate of one in every 200... it shook me up a bit.  But in the end the good outweighed the bad... literally!

I think the most shocking part of the seminar was when they told us that it could be up to a 6 month wait just to get my list of appointments (to see the surgeon, dietitian, social worker, medical internist etc)  And then on top of that it would be an additional 6 moths before the actual surgery.  I couldnt believe I would have to wait another year after already waiting 6 months and thinking that I was so close!

When I got home I actually broke down crying.  I was just so sick of being sick, tired and fat.  I was about ready to say forget it but then came to my senses...  whats another year .. its not like im going anywhere.. and i didnt have any other options.

Feb 1/11
Then nest morning (not even 24 hours later) I get a call from Dr. Hagen's office at the Humber Hospital saying that they had a cancellation and asked if i could meet with Dr. Hagen the next day for my initial consultation, and that they would be emailing my list of appointments asap.

Anyone who saw me or talked to me that day could tell you that I was on Cloud 9!  I was in complete disbelief that it was all happening so fast!  I had just wrapped my head around the fact that I was going to have to wait 6 months to hear from them, and then to find out that I had all of my appointments within the next two months... I was soo happy!!!! 

Why Are You Fat?

Amy DollFace Feltham February 21 at 8:34pm

I was reading a forum about Gastric Bypass and one of the topics was, "Why are you fat?" I thought about it for a long time and I couldn't come up with an easy answer.

I hate the fact that people look at me and just assume that I eat 24/7 and gorge myself all the time on bad foods. That's not the case. Most days I only eat one meal after 8 pm ... and that's part of my problem.

I have aways been a big girl. Growing up I was one of the biggest girls out of all of my friends. My mom tried to keep a watch on my eating habits, but I got pretty good at sneaking and hiding food.

From the ages of 13 - 17, my mother constantly had me on diets. The cabbage diet, Weight Watchers, even a diet group through our church. The highest I ever weighed during that time was 130 lbs, and I thought I was huge. Looking back now I would give anything to be that size again!                                  

This is me at my semi-formal in 1997.. i was 16 and weighed about 130 pounds.

The only thing that got me through those years at home were the weekends I would spend with my sister Jenny at University. We would buy every food that I wasnt aloud to have at home... Pop, chips, Candy, Fast foods... Those were some of my favorite memories.

When I was 17 I was assaulted by a man while I was working as a nanny for the summer. It was one of the worst experiences of my life. Soon after I found out I was pregnant, and I was not sure if it was a result of the assult or if it was from my relationship (It was later proven to be my boyfriends through a paternity test)

I did charge the man for the assult and was then involved in a year long trial. During the time that I was pregnant my parents decided that I was to young to have a child and told me that I would have to give the baby up for adoption. This was a very hard decision for me since I myself was given up for adoption when I was 3, along with my older brother and sister.

Being pregnant gave me the liberty to eat as much as I wanted without feeling guilty.. I was eating for two. That's when I first started to gain weight, going from 130lbs - 180lbs by the end of my pregnancy.

                                 Pregnant with Paige - May 1999

April 23th, 1999 - My world changed forever. I gave birth to a beautiful 6 pound baby girl. It should have been the happiest day of my life, but my daughter was born stillborn. I still to this day do not know what really happened. So not only did I lose my daughter, but the couple who were trying for years to have a family, lost their daughter too.... and I blamed myself completely.

The next few months were a blur and I did a lot of things that I regret. Fast forward 9 months to January 2000. I found out that I was pregnant again. At that point I still had not dealt with the loss of my first daughter and there was no way I was going to go through that again. So I made the choice to have an abortion. (A decision that I struggle with to this day) That happened on a Monday. On the Wednesday of the same week, my trial ended and the man was let go because there was not enough circumstantial evidence. And to make that week even worse, on the Friday I received a call from my father telling me that he left my mother after over 25 years of marriage for one of her close friends. I can say that was the most trying week of my life.

I was super depressed and started using food for comfort. Quickly my weight went up to over 200lbs.

At least one good thing came out of all of that. Around the same time that I was dealing with all of this, I met my birth mother for the first time in 15 years. It was an amazing experience and a wonderful reunion. She was able to answer a lot of my questions, and after 15 years of wondering, it was nice to be able to have some closure. And now more than 10 years since our reunion I couldn't imagine my life with out her! She has been supportive of me no matter how bad i messed up or how horrible the choices were that I made!

Within the next two years (2001 - 2002) I got married to my high school sweetheart and had two healthy perfect children. So there I was 20 years old with a marriage and a family.

                      The day after my son was born, August 12, 2002.

I tried to be a good wife and mother, but I was young and my husband and I fought all the time. I was eating more than ever and was over 250lbs. After trying to make it work for over 3 years, we decided to separate. We sold our home, and I went from being a housewife/stay at home mom, to living in a two bedroom basement apartment as a single mom working full time at Wendy's.

I became very overwhelmed with my life between the kids, work, bills.... without help... I had a nervous breakdown. My children went to live with their father for the next four years. I saw them and talked to them as much as possible but it was so hard and I felt so guilty for leaving them. I hated myself.

While the kids were with their father I made a huge career change and became a piercer at Stinger Tattoo... something I have always been interested in but never presued because I was afraid of what people would think of me. But 5 years later and I still love my job as much as I did the first day! In 2008, I stared to date my best friend and my life finally got back on track.

Now we are married and the children have been back with me full time for over a year now!!!

Being with someone who loves you no matter how you look is a wonderful thing, but it does make you become very comfortable in your relationship. Too comfortable. I dont know how I reached 360 pounds so fast... but here I am. And now that I have the love ans support from my family and friends its time to get rid of the weight.

          My husband and I at my work Christmas Party - December 2010

I want to be able to play with my children. To be able to sit on the floor and colour or play a board game without worrying about my knees or how I was going to get back up. I want to be able to run and ride a bike, go skating.. or even just to be able to go for a walk without being out of breath from just putting on my shoes.

I'm not having this surgery just for me. I'm doing it for my family. We need a lifestyle overhaul and it has to start with me. Ive been though a lot in my life... but honestly.. who hasn't? I cant blame my weight on my past, I can only blame myself for waiting this long before doing something about it.

I can only take it one day at a time.. and this is the first day of my Gastric Bypass Journey.

            This is me on my wedding day - July 10, 2010 - 360 pounds.