Nov 19 - 90 pounds gone!!!!

If you had asked me last year if I thought I could lose 90 pounds in 5 months I would have laughed at you.... but here I am, 5 months since surgery and down 90 freakin pounds lol

I cant begin to tell you what a difference this has made in my life.  Ive never been so happy, or energetic or motivated to to anything.  Ive been going to Curves everyday... and loving every minute of it!!!!!

Im still learning, and I still have bad days, bad hours, bad minutes... but they are definitely father apart now, so I am enjoying the good days so much more! 

I could never have gotten where I am without my husband, kids and family.  I am so thankful for all the support I have had!!!!! 

Ten more pounds and I get my tattoo!  Cant wait!!!!!

Nov 17/11 - Family Portrait

Today my husband, children and I had a family portrait done!  It was our first one.  Why you ask?  I think you know.  I never wanted to do one because of how I looked... but they turned out pretty good!  Im really glad we did them.. and I now have presents to give to grandparents for Christmas!

Nov 9/11 - Zumba :)

Today I had my 6th workout at Curves.  Everyday I go I love it even more!!!! I even purchased a few Curves tshirts.. so now I fit right in lol  And the machines are getting easier.. I think Ive picked it up pretty quick :)  The back of my legs are killing me though but it comes with the territory.

Tomorrow morning I get to be set up on CurvesSmart.  I'm excited to get going and to have it push me.  That way Ill know if I'm doing it right!  I decided to go back today to do a Zumba class.  I wasn't sure if I would go since I was so tired after my workout.. but I couldn't resist! 

IT WAS SOOO HARD LOL   The instructor was awesome, and full of energy.. but she could move in ways that I don't think I will ever be able to!  For every one step I did she did about three.. and no matter how hard I tried my legs couldn't keep up!  Also I am so not coordinated!  Trying to move my hands and legs at the same time was a huge challenge.  Thankfully I did not feel embarrassed at all and spent most of the time laughing at myself. 

By the end my heart was pumping and I was super sweaty so I must have been doing something right!  I'm going to keep going every week.. hopefully I will pick up on the moves.  Ill also be able to practice between classes on Zumba for Wii :)  I love that its at Curves and that it is only per class.  You have the choice to Zumba the whole time, or Zumba for one min, and then to a machine for one min.  Cant wait till next week!!! I highly recommend it!!!

www.curves.com


Oh ya.. I was at GT BOUTIQUE lol.. and one of the cashiers was looking at me.. and said... There's something different about you... you got your hair done.. but that's not it.. you've lost weight!!!!!   LOL   People are really starting to notice!!!   And like Ive said before.. I really appreciate the compliments.. but I don't know what to say!!!!

Nov 7/11 - My Tattoo Idea!

ALRIGHT!!! Here it is.. This is going to be the tattoo I get when I have lost 100 pounds... I was going to put "I did it".. but I will never be DONE wls.. so I CAN DO IT will be a constant reminder for me :) This is just the idea.. Jason on of our artists is going to draw it up much better for me! Cant wait!!!!  When I lose more than that I will put a line through 100 and put 150 underneath etc lol

Nov 5/11 - Small World :)

I met a fellow OHer this morning :)

I was at Curves for my third workout... (I now get to do the machines on my own lol yay!) and as I was getting my shoes on, someone tapped me on the shoulder.  I turned around and a lady asked me if my name was Dollface.  She recognized me from ObesityHelp.com!  I thought that was pretty awesome and Im glad I went in when I did!  Its always nice to meet someone from here and be able to put a face to the name!

My workout was awesome and Im so glad I have decided to do this!  My butt and upper back are a bit sore but soo worth it!

I was so pumped this morning that I walked to Curves, and then after my workout met up with my husband and walked to Timmy's for a tea (decaf) and then walked to work :)  Lets see if Im still pumped after my 10 hour shift tonight lol

Nov 4/11 - Bariatric Bad Girls Club

Bariatric Bad Girls Club... my new favorite site lol... lots of great girls who have had surgery.. sharing their stories.. highs and lows... with an edge ;) lol.. they also have a facebook group if you are interested!  I'm hooked.. and I just ordered my hoodie and Bad Girl in a Box..  cant wait!  I'm even thinking it will make a great tattoo when reach 100 pounds lost.

Here is my new second home... where I plan to be 6 days a week.. (they are closed on Sundays lol)  I had my second work out today.. well.. really my first since yesterday was just getting used to the machines.  I loved it even more :)  I tried their Chocolate protein shake.. added some ice and strawberries and its not bad :)  

I ran into my father in law at Dollarama after my workout.. and it took him a second to register who I was!  LoL  It made me feel good!

The only negative thing that I have noticed is that I can eat more now... I guess after 5 months I'm at normal... so I just have to REALLY watch my portions... I still cant handle carbs very well.. especially breads and pastas... so I stay away pretty much completely lol 

I'm getting there... and loving the journey :)

Nov 3/11 - First workout in 6 years!

This morning I had my first workout at Curves.  I haven't been there in 6 years and I definitely haven't done any other work outs in between lol...

It felt sooo good to be back!  I know people might think its an old lady workout... but it made me sweat and got my heart rate up lol... and it definitely was working my muscles!  Everyone there is so nice and not judgmental.. no one gave my tattoos a second thought and treated me equally.. which is nice :)

The machines are so great.. and they have a new chip system that really pushes you to do your best.  I have to say the best part of today was the stretching at the end.  I twisted and pulled in ways I didn't even know I could.. and it felt SO GOOD!

This is going to sound redundant.. but I feel great! LOL.. Its so nice to be active and part of something.. and have something to look forward to.  I know its only been one day.. but I am determined to stick this out!  I love Curves :)

Cant wait for tomorrow!

Nov 2/11 - Good Day ... Curves :)

Today was a good day :)  First of all.. I felt really good in my outfit today lol... (with the help of slimpressions)  Two people came in to the shop that haven't seen me in a few months.. who neither knew that I had surgery and both commented on how much weight Ive lost.  It felt so great.. but I still get red faced and embarrassed when they compliment me lol... Its so great to know that people are noticing though!

After work I headed to Curves.  I had a membership there years ago.. and I really loved the atmosphere and the work out.  I went back and forth between joining there or a gym.. but I think for now I made the right choice.  For someone who hasn't worked out in 6 years... it will ease me back into it.. and having someone there to keep me motivated and knowing that I have a time limit will help me keep my pace.  Once Ive reached my goal weight and I'm ready to do more toning.. I might think about doing the gym thing.

I'm really excited for my first work out tomorrow!  And for Zumba... I'm pretty sure its going to kick my butt for the first few times!!!  They had a promotional deal on that if you donated to Breast Cancer they wave your 0 sign up fee..  so it only cost me to join! 

The pieces to my puzzle are finally fitting together!!!  I'm so ready for this!

Oct 26/11 - Good and Bad

So.. I have been SO good with my eating... even being away in New York and trying to eat in the car there and back.. I did really well!  Last night Mike and the kids decided to order pizza for dinner.. a treat that they really don't have very often anymore. (to be considerate to me)   I decided to rationalize why it would be OK for me to have ONE slice of pizza with just chicken and veggies on it.  Well.. it was a bad idea.  About four bites in.. it came right back up.  I don't know why I continue to try things when I KNOW they are not going to work for me... sigh.  And as a reminder.. when I was throwing up... I burst all the little blood vessels in my face... it happens every time and stays for days :(  NO FUN.  Anyone else have this problem?


Its actually a lot darker in person.. almost like a bruise.

Anyway... good news.   My husband weighed himself this afternoon.. and I weigh less than him by 7 pounds!!!!!  That has NEVER happened before!  I feel small lol.. even though to look at us you wouldn't know it... it may be silly but it makes me feel good!!!!!!




Oct 29/11 - Halloween!!!

One of my most favorite holidays lol!   Just minus the candy this year!... I have a new found love for before and after pics so bear with me!  Here is me last year Halloween and this year... cant wait till next year!

My sister and I .. in 2001 and now... 270 lbs lost between us so far (mostly from my sister lol)

Oct 23/11 - OH EVENT IN NEW YORK!

So we just got back from the OH Sex in the City event in New York and I cant even begin to tell you how much fun it was! I was able to meet so many awesome people. Everyone had a story to tell and it was so uplifting to hear them. To see where people have come from and what they look like now? Amazing.

It was wonderful to be surrounded by people who have been through exactly what I am going through and be able to tell me their outcomes. I made some new friends from all over the country.. The seminars were great..They had a lot of speakers there.. including Chef Dave, Connie Stapleton, Colleen Cook, Yvonne McCarthy.. just to name a few.

I wish I could have gone to more, but there was just too much to do.. (and I couldn't leave New York without going to Manhattan!

The vendors were awesome.. I got to meet a great lady, named Beth Ism. She has an amazing blog that you can read at: www.meltingmama.net She also runs the Bariatric Bad Girls Club that is just awesome! At the convention she and her husband manned the Slimpressions table. Slimpressions are probably the most wonderful invention in the whole world! They are undergarments that suck everything in and camoflauge the bat wings!!!! I am in love with them! There were lots of free samples.. Vitamins, protein drinks and bars.. all sorts of stuff! And I love free stuff!

We had a Costume party which was a blast! It was fun to be there with my sister and online friends.. we looked fabulous!And of course we spent a day in Manhattan, an experience I will never forget! Not only did I get to go to Tiffanys (and actually buy something), but we went for a horse drawn carriage ride through Central Park and we went to see Ground Zero....

The only thing that put a bit of a damper on our day was when our train tragically hit someone on the way home. I still cant believe it happened!

The last night we were there they put on a Fashion Show with all of the before and after pictures, even my sister and one of our friends were in it! So amazing to see all the transformations! It was really fun to get all dressed up too.. Kind of like a prom and I felt really pretty for the first time in a long time.

Our friend is a photographer and did a bit of a photo shoot with us, a great self esteem booster!!!! It was an amazing weekend ... even with the 10+ hour drive there and back! I made some great friends and I will never forget it! Plus I lost 5 more pounds! Yay down 80pounds now!

Oct 12/11 - 8 more days!!!!

I'm going to New York in 8 days!  I'm soo excited!  Ive never been on a road trip with just the girls.. and Ive never been to New York so its even more exciting!  So many wonderful things happening for me in my 30th year!  Getting married, having my surgery, losing almost 75 pounds.. and now going to New York...  Good things do come to those who wait!

I have to say one of my favorite things about my RNY is the fact that I have so much energy.  I love walking now.  I walk every morning on my treadmill.. I walk to work and back.. the kids and I went for an early morning walk yesterday morning before school.. its so beautiful out with the leave changing and the cool weather!  LOVE IT !!!!  lol

Last weekend my husband and I took a picnic to Fairy Lake with our puppy Pedro and went for a walk along the paths.  It was so nice and I cant get over the fact that I would never have done that even 6 months ago.  I cant believe how many things have changed for the better since doing this.

Thanksgiving was my first big holiday since having my surgery.  Thankfully I was working most of the weekend so I missed the big Turkey days.. I'm not sure if I would have been ready to handle that yet .. let alone face all my family have have them watch me eat lol... I did go for dinner with the in laws and ended up bringing home 3/4 of my dinner!  Hopefully things will be easier by Christmas!

I still have good days and bad days... and yes there are days when I still question if I have made the right choice... But today I am happy and thankful :)

Here are a few pictures from our walk:

Sept 25/11 - Heart and Stroke Fit for Heart

So today was the day!  And what a perfect day it was.. you couldn't have asked for better weather!  We walked for my father in law, who had a heart attack on New Years Eve.  It was a great walk for a great cause and I feel very honored to have been a part of it.

We had the choice to do either two or four km and when the time came I'm super glad we chose four.  It only took us 45 minutes (we had to take a few puppy breaks lol) and I was feeling great by the end of it!  I wouldn't even have considered doing this last year.. and now I cant wait to do it again!  Hoping to be ready for the 10 km Persechini run in April!!!!
 

Sept 24/11 - NSV's out the wahzoo!!!

So I bought a treadmill a few days ago and so far... Even though it has only been 4 days... I absolutely love it! I've been getting up early every morning and walking pretty fast for 30 minutes, working up my heart rate.. Not to mention a good sweat!   It seems to set the tone for each day and keeps me motivated to walk to and from work and try harder to get all of my protein and water in. I'm excited to see where this will take me!    

I also have the Heart and Stroke Fit for Heart walk tomorrow morning and I'm so excited to do this! I know its only 4 km... And its walking.. But that's far for me lol plus its for a good cause.  

Last night my husband and I had a date night, and without going into too much detail... I had an awesome NSV! We have a jet tub at home.. Its deep but narrow and we decided to attempt to have a bubble bath together... And we both fit, comfortably I might add! Never would I have thought that the two of us could get in there together, when only 4 months ago I could hardly get in and out myself! He also spoiled me with a back massage and for the first time in forever it didn't hurt! And that is a huge deal since I've had chronic back pain for the past 10 years.  

Also, my best friend moved last weekend and was going through all of her clothes and passed on a few things to me that don't fit her. She gave me a few pairs of size 18 and 20 jeans as well as a few tops and a fall jacket.    I tried on a pair of the size 20 jeans and they fit! As did the others. In just over 3 months I have gone from a size 28 to a size 20!!!! Crazy! I am down almost 70 pounds and starting to feel really good! Days like this make all the sickness, thinning hair and bad days worth it!   

Things can only go up from here!
(Except for the scale that is!)

Sept 21/11 - Just Keep Walking

So Ive been having a rough few weeks... My pouch hasn't been agreeing with me lately, and hearing about Wendy's death has put me in a pretty low place.

That being said, Ive been trying to push forward and focus on the positives.  My brother-in-law and I have decided to be gym buddies and I am really excited about it.  Were going to look into spinning classes, and they have a pool and Zumba. 

I also bought a treadmill today.. used but like brand new! (gotta love Kijiji !!)  I tried it out and I love it already!  I have been walking so much more lately.. back and forth to work and evening walks with the puppy. I know though that winter is coming and with winter comes snow and ice.  And anyone who knows me knows that I am horrible with ice!  I'm excited to use my treadmill, and I promise it will not become a clothes hanger!

My brother-in-law also invited me to join him this Sunday to participate in the Heart and Stroke Fit for Heart Walk.  Something I never would have even considered doing a year ago!  I'm looking forward to it and I'm glad its for a good cause that hits close to home.  My husband is coming with us too so I think its going to be a great day!  Jay you are a good influence on me!!!

Sept 13/11 - A few of my LEAST favorite things...

So here I am, tomorrow I will be 3 months post surgery.  I am down 65 pounds, but I have been sitting at that for about two weeks now... I think I have hit a bit of a stall... and I know it happens.. but its always frustrating.

I read every book, blog, pamphlet... watched every educational video I could find... I tried to mentally prepare myself for this life change.. and I was ready... everyone including the doctors and dietitians said I was too.  But until you are actually going through this.. you have NO IDEA how hard it is. 

Ive had a few people ask me if I regret having the surgery.  I usually tell them to ask me in three more months... because right now I don't really know.  I do love the weight loss, and the better mobility already.. but there are just SO many things that are happening to me right now that make me want to cry.

I know I have talked about this before but its such a big deal right now... I have always had really thick hair, except for at the front.. (a bit of a receding hairline!)  I have always been able to hid it with my bangs, but this past month I have lost SO much hair that its really getting hard to hide it and its really freaking me out.  Ive never really thought much about my appearance.. but I always loved my hair... and now its going away... It has made me cry on more than one occasion when I'm brushing or washing my hair and it is coming out in clumps.

My family and I were visiting my mom and dad on the long weekend, and I was fine for the most part.. there was always something I could eat... but when we would take the kids for ice cream, or stop at the chip truck... I miss being included... Not so much missing the food.. I just miss being part of it.  And it makes me resentful.. and I know its not fair to my family because this was MY choice.  I also missed sitting around the fire having drinks with my husband.  I cant wait for winter to get here so I don't miss social drinking so much.

Vitamins. I knew going into this that I would have to take vitamins for life. What I didn't know was how gross they would be and how hard it was going to be to remember to take them all!  Ive even set reminders on my phone so I don't forget .. but somehow I manage to miss at least two almost every day.  And boy do I ever miss Advil... I'm sure there are ladies who can sympathize with me lol... Sometimes I just want to curl up in a ball and die!

Protein is another one of those things that keeps getting away from me. No matter how much I try to have.. its never enough.  I bought some different types of protein bars, hoping to boost it a bit.

Ive been getting sick lately too.  I know its my own fault... I cant seem to eat slow enough or chew well enough or take small enough bites.  My family has always been fast eaters.. that's a 30 year habit that's hard to break.  I really don't like throwing up at work though.. I get so embarrassed that I almost don't want to eat there... but that's what got me into this mess in the first place.

I'm sorry for being such a downer... its just been a hard few weeks.  Everyone tells me things will get easier, and I'm sure they will.

And I don't want anyone to be discouraged by reading this.. especially if you are going through this journey too.. but I promised that I would be honest and I think its best to know the good and the bad.. its not all sunshine and rainbows over here!

That being said.. the past few days I have really been focusing on my vitamins, water and protein.. trying not to get distracted.. it really is a full time job!  I go to HRRH on Friday for my 3 month check up... hopefully the dietician will have some words of wisdom for me!


One day at a time.

Aug 27 - The Good, The Bad & The Ugly.

First.. the good!

I am down 60 pounds in just under 3 months.  I have been waiting to say this but I have finally lost the equivalent to an elephants penis LOL      I am down 3 pant sizes.  I had to get rid of all of my jeans... even my favorite pair because they just wouldn't stay on anymore!  I can cross my legs again... almost comfortably lol... but I can do it none the less...

The bad....

My hair is falling out like CRAZY!!!!!   Every morning I dread having my shower for fear of my hair coming out in handfuls.  I knew it was coming.. Ive read lots about it and I know it doesn't last forever and that it will grow back.. but it still freaks me out and I'm scared that I'm going to go bald... I may just have to start investing in wigs or bandannas!!!!

Also ... I tried an alcoholic drink.  I had a shot of vodka mixed with a glass of water and crystal light.  Only 56 calories.. no fat, no sugar, no carbs... but man did it ever hit me!  I felt fine after the first one... and I thought I could handle one more.. but I didn't even get half way through it before feeling completely drunk and passing out!!!   So I am definitely a very cheap drunk!  Not something I plan on repeating either.. I hate that feeling!

The ugly.

I haven't been feeling very good.  I will have one good day, where I can eat no problem... but then Ill have 2 or 3 days where its uncomfortable to even drink.  My pouch feels tight (normal I'm sure) and no matter how slow I eat and how much I chew it feels like it gets stuck and I can never finish.  It is really uncomfortable.  I hope it passes.. I hope its just part of the process.. because if not I'm going to be a really cranky Amy!!!!

Aug 12 - Bad Night....

So I promised myself that when I decided to write this blog I would be honest.. and share not just the good but the bad.

Well last night, I had a bad moment.  Yesterday was my sons 9th birthday.  We have a tradition that the birthday person gets to decide what they want for dinner...  I have been sooo good at keeping bad foods out of the house, and eating really healthy at home at at work... but it was his birthday and he wanted Chinese food.

At first I was just going to send my husband and the kids out to eat.. but we decided that it would be cheaper just to order in.  Long story short... I convinced myself that I have been so good and able to keep my foods down pretty well so I should be able to have a bit of Chinese food for his birthday dinner.... boy was I wrong!   After about 10 minutes my chest started to hurt and my mouth started to fill with saliva... and then out of no where.. every piece of Chinese food I ate... came right back up.

I felt soo stupid, especially because my husband already warned me and told me it probably wasn't a good idea to try it.  I had a bit of a melt down after.  I'm seeing these amazing changes in how I feel and look and I went to such great measures to make sure I wouldn't eat crap like that anymore... and what do I do?  I was so mad at myself.. but in one way I think I was crying over the fact that I cant eat it... I know its crap but I really used to like Chinese food.

I know most people wont understand this.. but its like taking an alcoholic and putting all sorts of drinks in front of them and telling them not to touch them while everyone around them drinks it in front of them.

And its not like I'm starving.. or even hungry.. its all in my head.  I think I want it.. but I know I don't.  I can keep food out of my house.. but I'm going to face these challenges along the way... I have to figure out a better way to deal with it.

The only good thing that came out of the experience is that my pouch is actually working thankfully and I cant eat the bad stuff.

Ive said it before... the good of this surgery will always outweigh the bad...but that was not fun.  I learned from it though.. and I'm ready to move on..

Today is a new day.

Aug 10 - My very first NSV x 2!!!!!

Yesterday at work a girl came in to book a tattoo appointment that I haven't seen in about 6 months.  She came up to me and says " It looks like you've lost some weight!  You look great!"

It was the first person who didn't know I had surgery to say something!!!!! It made me feel soo good!  I just wanted to shout, YES!!!!  I HAVE LOST WEIGHT!!!!  THANK YOU FOR NOTICING!!!!!!!  lol  but I just said thank you lol

After work I went to the mall with my best friend.  She likes to shop at Rickies... I personally could never shop there because they didn't have my size... but right before we were leaving I thought .. what the heck.. and tried on a pretty pink top., and not only did it fit but it was loose!  It was the biggest size in the store mind you.. but still 2 - 3 times smaller than what I'm used to wearing!!!!

They had a sale on that if you bought one sale item you got another one for a dollar.. so my friend Bre bought it for me as a reward lol

I told her that this was so awesome.. but could turn out to be dangerous.  Ive never really been the type to care about clothes or buy alot... but I could see this turning into a nice little hobby!!!!


(in case you were wondering, NSV is a term we use on our forum for Non Surgical Victory)

Aug 8 - 50 pounds gone forever!!!

So here I am... just about two months since surgery.. and I have finally lost 50 pounds!!  I am in desperate need of new pants... and the shirts that have been in my closet for the past year with tags on them.. that I couldn't button around my middle.. finally fit me.. and loosely!  Its so nice to see the changes.. its really good motivation!

I'm having a bit of issues with food now that didn't really bother me at first.. but Ive heard that your pouch gets a bit more sensitive after a few weeks.  Chicken is really had for me.. maybe because its to dry or dense... and breads.. although Ive only tried wraps.. but they do not sit well at all!  A lot of foods have made me feel sick.. but usually it doesn't do so until about 20 minutes after I finish eating.  That makes it hard to know what I can and cant handle... so Ive pretty much stuck with softer foods that I know I can stomach!!!  I guess I'm just sick of feeling sick...

I keep thinking I'm not loosing as fast as I should be... but according to Dr. Hagen I'm right on track.  When I saw him at one month out.. I had lost 35 pounds.  He expects me to lose another 30 to 40 in the next 3 months and I'm already down 15 more pounds since then.... so I guess I'm on my way lol  But you cant blame me for wanting it to go faster!!!!

Its crazy how many people have contacted me since my surgery to tell me they are thinking about it or have had it too.  I love being able to share my experiences with them, and I hope I am able to give them a bit of insight !!!   Don't get me wrong...  I have a lot of learning to do myself, but its nice to think I might be able to help someone out when I'm only two months post op!!!

Sorry for my ramblings... I'm just trying to work things out in my head!

July 27/11 - 6 weeks out!

So I am about 6 weeks since surgery and Im finally starting to feel back to normal.. or should I say like the new me!  Up until now I hadn't really noticed much change.. but the last few days my pants have been falling off and my shirts are super loose! 
I have lost 45 pounds since I started Optifast.. so in two months... I have been trying to loose that for years lol... I already have more energy.. I cant wait to see how losing another 45 pounds will make me feel!
And real food!  How Ive missed you!  And how I appreciate every bite now!  The first few meals that I measured out made me sad.. looking at my plate with hardly anything on it... thinking to myself that there is no way this will fill me up.. but honestly I hardly ever finish my meals!  I get soo full so fast so I try to make every bite count.  Filling up on my protein first and my veggies... and meal plannings not as hard as I thought it would be.. especially when you can get four meals out of  a piece of chicken lol
Im trying so hard to remember all of my vitamins... Ive set reminders on my phone.. I do forget the odd one here and there.. but there are just so many!  I know how important they are though so I will keep going.
I went to my very first OH support group meeting.. although I actually missed the meeting part and got there just in time for coffee!  It was really great to meet people and put faces to names... I also got to meet 3 of the ladies that I am going to New York with in October for the OH Sex in the City event... here's a "before pic" of the four of us.. cant wait to take another picture in October!

I recently started Zumba for Wii at home.. OMG is it ever hard lol.. maybe its just because I have no rhythm but I'm finding it so hard to keep up even with the instructional parts!  I thought I should try to learn the steps though before signing up for a real class and embarrassing myself! 
It hasn't been the easiest road.. but I'm glad I started this journey!

July 15 - One month check up.

So last week I had a three week check up with Dr. Hagen....

The whole appt only lasted about 3 minutes. Dr. Hagen weighed me asked if I had any questions or concerns. I said nope and he says I'm doing great and that I will be very happy I did this. And he wants to see me in 3 months.

So far I have lost 35 pounds... Ive been sitting at that for over a week now.. and although I know its normal it was still nice to have the reassurance that everything was normal and that I'm right on track.  He thinks I should easily lose 30 - 40 pounds in the next 3 months.. and he said he thinks Ill be able to lose 150 pounds no problem :)

Not sure if it was worth the 4 hour round trip but oh well...

And today I had my one month check up at HRRH with the dietitian.  I had Denise who I know some people have complained about... I'm guessing it worked because I have met with her twice now  and both times they went very well.
Again I was weighed.. and now am at 295 (39 pounds lost with clothes on) since I started optifast.

My BMI when I started this was 55.... I am now at 49 :)

I'm finally out of the pureed stage and I'm able to start soft solid food and work my way up to crunchy and normal!  I'm so excited.. and nervous to try new things... I'm just glad I can start to get back to my new normal routine lol

I was sent to PATTS again for more blood work.. apparently my hemoglobin and iron is low... soo much blood they took!!!!!!!  Thank god I dont have to go through that again for a while!

And now on to the next stage of my journey... exercise!  Ive been walking alot more than I'm used to and now with the puppy and walking back and forth to work...  its daily.  i was thinking about joining Curves.. but after talking to a lot of people on the forum I'm starting to think its not the best route for me.  So I'm looking into other options... I really want to join a Zumba class.. but I'm scared I wont be able to keep up with everyone yet lol....

So far things haven't been as hard as I expected... but its still hard.  Thank god for my husband... he has been my rock through this!  its nice to start to be able to see results though... my clothes are definitely getting looser... and I'm not sure how much longer my wedding rings are going to stay on! 

Anyway I'm doctor free for the next 3 months ... which is so nice since it takes me forever to get there and back! 

Life is good :)

July 2/11 - First time in 13 years!!!!

Today I got on a bike for the first time in 13 years!  It was super hard at first.. and a bit embarrassing.. but I did it, and once I got started it was much easier. Like they say.. "Just like riding a bike!"
My husband was going to buy me this perfect bike for my birthday in May but they didn't have them in stock at the time, so we went today.. and there it was!!!
My husband is such an amazing supporter, and ran along side me the whole time to make sure I didn't fall... I love him soo much!  He tried to get a picture of me while I was riding it, but he couldn't figure out the settings, and I was afraid to stop to show him how thinking I wouldn't be able to start again lol

I do have to admit I think I may have tried a bit too soon... my stomach is hurting a little bit now.. Probably because I was moving in ways I haven't in years! lol

I cant wait to get out there and ride with my kids... One of the many things I was looking forward to doing after the surgery!!!

June 28/11 - First day back to work/first day of purees

I am two weeks post op today, and I went back to work. I honestly thought it wasn't going to be that bad.  I work in a tattoo shop and and its pretty laid back but its harder than I thought it was going to be.  I do have someone there to help and do all of the hard work... so all I have to do is pierce and answer the questions that he doesn't know, but it was still really tiring.  I'm hoping for a better day tomorrow :)

I also started my purees.  I bought a magic bullet and pre made my meals for the next few days which helped a lot.  Everything went down ok, but I definitely felt full pretty quick.  I had a poached egg and 2 TBSP of pureed peaches for breakfast,  3 TBSP of chickpeas mixed with garlic (homemade hummus lol) with 2 pieces of multigrain Melba toast for lunch.. and then 4 TBSP of pureed chicken(mixed with a bit of cream of chicken soup) and 2 TBSP of pureed carrots and potatoes for dinner... which I couldn't finish.  Its so funny to think that that small amount could fill me now where just over a month ago I could finish two large bowls of Sheppard's pie in one sitting!!!!

I haven't checked my weight in a few days now... I really don't want to be one of those people who check the scale everyday.. multiple times!  But I am curious to see how I'm doing... I think Ill wait till Saturday.. maybe check it by weekly .. Ill keep you posted of course!

Heading to my first BBQ/Fire this Friday for Canada Day... and I'm nervous.  I don't really want to bring my pureed food there and have to explain to everyone... nor do I really want to sit and watch everyone eating burgers and macaroni salads in front of me. I might try to convince my husband to go after dinner... so I can avoid it.  I don't think I'm ready yet.

I go back to see Dr. Hagen on July 7th, and then in for my one month check up on July 15th... Ill let you know how I'm doing at that time :)

June 24/11 - Ten Days Out

So I am ten days out.. and feeling SOOO much better than this time last week!!!  It has been hard... not having much of an appetite... trying to get used to timing my meals and measuring what I eat. 
Its hard to have to take a handful of vitamins and pills everyday..
I'm trying my best to get all of my water and protein in but its really really hard to remember!  My cell phone is constantly going off to remind me to take all of my vitamins and meals.
I still have head hunger, and when I see a commercial about food I think that I want it... but I know I cant have it. 
Mike and the kids have been AMAZING this week.  Very helpful and understanding. They have made some delicious (healthy) meals and it is hard to watch them eat, it always smells SO good, but they still need to eat!
So having the surgery doesn't take that away, but I already knew that... but I was hoping that I would just hate food after lol

Even though its hard... and it will be for a long time I'm sure, I know I made the best choice for me. Its been a month today that I started Optifast and I have lost 34 pounds.  So just over a pound a day.  That makes me happy.  Right now I am sitting at exactly 300 pounds.  And I love the fact that the next time I step on the scale I will be in the 200's :)

Last night my husband, my children and I went for a walk, and it was SO nice!  Ive been trying to walk a bit more everyday.. but this was the first time we went as a family just for fun without having somewhere to go.  I'm hoping to make it a habit!!!

I start purees on Tuesday, and I am really excited about that!  Just to be able to add a few textures will be nice after 5 weeks of liquids! I also start back to work on Tuesday and that makes me really nervous.  Even though my job is pretty laid back, and I will have help for a few days... I hope I don't overdo it, and have enough time for my meals since I will have to have both lunch and dinner there.  Yesterday I was feeling great and decided to re organize the kitchen cupboards, and within 10 minutes I felt like I was dying.  I really have to learn to take it easy!

I hope I don't come off as whinny.  I'm so happy with my progress.. but I just don't want people to think that its easy, because its not! But it is worth it!!!

Happy to be Home

I got home from the hospital yesterday.. and I think I'm doing ok all things considering... quite a bit of pain in my left side.. but it helps to walk and that what I'm doing all the time.. walk sip walk sip.

My hospital stay was really good... Dr  Hagen is amazing and the surgery went just as expected.  I was nervous but I think I handled myself pretty well.. 

I tried to joke and make light right up till it was time to go down to the OR... my mom hugged me and started crying which made me start... and then when the nurse came to get me I started again saying goodbye to Mike.  They walked me into the OR and I laid on the table.. there were a lot of people there.. everyone was nice and very interested in my tattoos... even after they gave me the sleepy juice Dr. Hagen was admiring them lol.

I remember them trying to wake me up after the surgery to move me onto the other bed and I tried to sit up and move myself.... When we got to recovery i was in SOOO much pain!!!!  The worst in my life for sure... i couldn't stop moving because it hurt so much.  They finally gave me drugs and I was out cold.  Between surgery and recovery I was gone for over 6 hours.. I obviously didn't mind since I was out.. but it was had for Mike and my mom to have to wait that long.

The first night I ended up having a room to myself which was so nice and unexpected... and it was the room at the end of the hall so it was nice and quiet.. The second day I ended up with a 96 year old woman as a roommate who had broke her hip... she was in soo much pain and still hadn't had her surgery when I left yesterday.  For the most part I was fine... did lots of walking and was able to get up to the bathroom on my own... 

The morphine helped a lot with sleeping.  The only complaint I had was with the ladies who came in to take my blood.  Apparently I have no veins and they had a really hard time finding a place to take blood so I ended up pretty black and blue.

I was overwhelmed with all of the vitamins and meds i was sent home with.. so much more than i thought I would be taking... and with the blood clotting needles and everything else they tell you to get at the pharmacy.. it came to just over $500.... thank god I have savings lol.  But at least it all works out to about a 6 month supply.

Injecting myself with the blood clotting needles has been hard.  My husband is wonderful but has a queasy stomach, so I have to do it on my own.  You would think since Im a piercer that Id be a pro.. but its different when you re putting something in you!!!! It stings a bit.. but once I learned to do it properly its not as bad...

Taking it hour by hour... in more pain than i thought it would be.... the girls on this forum are either super tough or lying lol.. (just kidding)   i may have already had an incident with dumping but I'm not sure... yesterday I tried some of the liquid Tylenol that they give you from the hospital... all of my food has been staying down no problem.. but about 15 minutes after i took the Tylenol I got really hot.. my face got all flushed, and i started walking... I thought I had to pass gas but ended up  passing alot more on the kitchen floor. (TMI I know)  That has never happened to me before and it was out of me and on the floor before I even knew what was happening.  I went to the bathroom and started to dry heave as well... and then I broke down crying... it was a low point for sure.  I am following the meal plan to the tee... and I intend to do so the entire time... that way I cant fail.  My mom thought the Tylenol may of had sugar in it or because I don't like it I may have drank it too fast.....

My husband is the most wonderful caring person i have ever met and has been by my side non stop through this whole thing.. he makes and measures all of my food.. 


does all the laundry and cleaning ... and just takes care of me.  (and Im sorry but any man who will clean up your mess off the kitchen floor with out complaints and still tell you that he loves you is freaking amazing) I am the luckiest woman in the world.  I was also subscribed some perks and i have to say that they are pretty amazing!  Knock me right out.  I'm feeling better today.. eating better and not as emotional ....  






The vitamins are very large and not the best.... but at least I can get them down without wanting to vomit.  The really big one is Calcium and I have to take it 3 times a day... it tastes like a giant cinnamon heart... but soo big!!!!!

This is quite the journey we have decided to embark.. and i knew that before i started.. but you really cant know until you are really in it.

THIS IS IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So... tomorrow is the day.  I'm on my last day of Optifast.  3 more shakes to get down and then I'm finally done lol  I am down 19 pounds... and that makes me happy.
 
The kids are off to their dads tonight for the week... their bags are packed and ready to go... I shed some tears this morning when I walked them to school... its hard to say goodbye.... but they are being so strong and supportive.  My daughter gave me one of her teddies to take to the hospital with me so I can have someone to hug.   

I went grocery shopping last night to grab some of the things that I will need after surgery... I didn't realize it would take so long when you have to stop and actually look at what you are buying lol                            


I can say after 3 weeks of Optifast.. the thought of having Cream Soups makes my mouth water!  There's so many different kinds.. thankfully low fat and low sodium too.. so I may have gone overboard buying every kind they had!  Especially since one can will last me like 10 meals!!!!

I talked to my Mother last night (adopted mom) and had a good cry... i seem to be super emotional.  My mom (birth mom) is coming up tonight to stay with me, and my husband took the week off to be with me.  We will be at the hospital at 8:30am.  Surgery at 10:30.

My mother asked me what worries me the most, and I don't know... the whole situation I guess.  I'm scared.  I'm scared of the pain... I'm scared of complications... I'm scared of the healing process.

But I am not scared about the outcome.  I have never been more ready or determined to succeed at anything in my life.  This is life changing ... and that's what I want it to be.  I'm soo freaking excited to get on the bench!!!

See y'all on the flip side

June 7/11 - One More Week

So.. one more week!  This time next Tuesday I will be rolling into surgery.

The nerves have kicked it... and along with it.. second thoughts...  which I know are normal.. and I know I wont back out. I know how bad I need this.. and that its the best thing for me.. but its really really scary!!!

The kids are going to their dads Monday night.. and staying with him for a week.  I'm so thankful for the help and I know I will heal easier if I don't have to worry about cleaning and taking care of them.. but I'm going to miss them like crazy!

My mom is coming down Monday night to be with me when I go to the hospital.. which means the world to me!!!  To be able to have her and Mikey with me should keep my nerves in check!!!  Mike took the week off to take care of me after the surgery too...

I don't know what I did to deserve such an amazing family.. but I'm soo happy I have them!!!!

Optifast has been going very well... 15 days down... 6 more to go.  My head hunger is under control.. as is my constipation (for the most part!!!) I'm down 15 pounds... I don't know if that is enough.. but I have done everything I was told to do.. still haven't cheated at all.. not even a nibble... although I have definitely complained about it from time to time lol....

I'm so excited to get this part over with.. and move on to the real journey...
One more week!!!

June 2 - Day 10 of Optifast.

Day 10!  Half way there.  I'm still constipated, but its not as bad as it was.  At least now I have something to take if i need to.

I'm down 11 pounds.. I know it would be more if I could just poop (TMI i know)  I haven't cheated at all, not even close.  Only my thoughts are getting to me.. and sometimes I dream about cheating lol

I  do know I wouldn't be doing as well as I am if it wasn't for all my support.  Not just at home (but the have been great) but at work, through texts, BBMs, emails, Facebook and especially ObesityHelp.com.

My friends from the Ontario Forum are just amazing people!  Always there to support you, and give you support, and answer all my questions!

I have another reason to be excited now!!!  On October 20th I will be going to new york for the first time!  There is going to be an event put on by ObesityHelp.com called "Sex in the City" and there will be seminars, guest speakers, a fashion show... everything to do with weight loss and nutrition.  I cant wait!!!  I personally am going with 3 ladies from the forum, who I have yet to meet in person, but we are planning a get together hopefully in July.  I love this whole process of making new friends.  Especially when they know first hand what I am going through.

I honestly cant think of a better goal I could have set for myself.  I have roughly 4 months before new York, and I cant wait to see what I look like by then.  To be 30, in New York, healthy and Liking what I look like... will be a dream come true!!!  And if my mom and sister can come too.. that will be a very special added bonus!

12 more days!  I'm not sure why I'm not freaking out.  maybe I'm still in denial.  |It really doesn't feel real yet, but I'm sure the day before surgery I will be a mess lol

May 29/11

Day 6 of optifast.

So Ive been doing pretty well I think.... I haven't cheated at all, I'm drinking a lot of water (well more than I'm used to)

I'm getting most of my optifast in, although the last two days I only drank 3 out of the four that I am supposed to.

I still don't like the vanilla, but I have found a way to drink it.  I found if I mix half chocolate and half vanilla with really cold water, I can drink in no problem without having to add anything extra... and using a shaker works just as good as the blender (less clean up lol)

I haven't really been hungry.  I have had to watch my daughter and her grandfather eat homemade burgers and fries in front of me.... Ive done grocery shopping for the family (that was hard), and Ive cooked meals for the kids... and I was fine!  I even wiped my finger off when I got gravy on it instead of licking it of lol

But today......

Today is an off day. 

I'm irritable, and emotional....
and I am also very constipated!  Which could also explain why I'm so irritable lol  Its probably one of the worst feelings in the world.  Mike went and bought me some Ex Lax... and I took two... even if I shouldn't have.. it was Necessary!

Anyway.. tomorrow is day 7.  One week down.. two to go.. which means two weeks till surgery!!!!

Day 2 of Optifast.......

Its not so bad :)  I actually like the chocolate one.. kind of lol   I put in extra water.. so its not so thick.. and today i tried it with banana extract and I really liked it!  Even adding a scoop of instant coffee and a bit of ice is good.. kind of like an ice cap from tims.....

The vanilla on the other hand.... its really sweet.. and hard for me to get down.  I added raspberry crystal light to it.. and it kind of tasted like a strawberry milkshake... but not really.  I thought adding ice might help... but it just made it harder to drink.  I think I will just have to live with gulping that kind.. but its only day 2.. and I will keep trying different flavors :) 

I don't feel hungry yet... we had a few half bags of chips in the house last night and my husband was kind enough to throw them out... I knew I wouldn't eat them.. but just knowing they were there was really bothering me.

So far so good though :)

May 24/11 - Day one of Optifast

So last night I had to break up a 30 year old relationship .. with food.. 

As one person put it.. it was more of a divorce... and in the words of a wise woman...

"That food was an a**hole anyway, and you re better off without it" lol

This morning I tried my first optifast.  My daughter told me to try the chocolate.  The kids were super curious about it!  I did add an extra 100ml of cold water... I didn't want it very thick.... I let both kids try a sip and they liked it... said it tasted like chocolate milk lol  

I thought it tasted a bit like Slimfast.  I really am glad I have my blender.. and even picked up a extra one to keep at work.  Im looking forward to trying all the different flavors!

I was sitting with the kids while they were having breakfast and my daughter said they would have soup for dinner and I can have my broth... my son said he didn't want soup.. and my daughter said, "Ewan, we have to be supportive to Mom"  soo cute!  I told them thank you.. but they still have to eat lol

Although I don't think I'm going to love these next few weeks...
I definitely think I can get through it.. and I know why I'm doing it...

My daughter (who's only 10 by the way)
after I made a face taking my last sip...
asked me "Is it worth it?" 
And I asked her "what do you think?" 
She said yes.

And then she went on to remind me that I will be able to ride bikes and go on the trampoline with her when I'm skinny.

I will never make that face again.

May 19/11

Today I had my P.A.T.T appointment.  I got there at about 11:30 (a half hour early)  The waiting room was really full but a really nice receptionist took me right away, and then sent me downstairs for x-rays.

I had to undress from the waist up and put on a gown.  Luckily the x-rays were done standing up and were not uncomfortable at all.  The technician only took two pictures so I was in and out in about 5 minutes.

I was sent back up to the P.A.T.T room where I only had to wait about 10 minutes for my next appointment.  They brought me in to have an ECG done (electrocardiogram)   Again I had to strip down to my bra (luckily I had a really nice lady this time)  She hooked up about 8 sticky things to me and ran a test that took no more than 30 seconds!  (those sticky things hurt coming off lol)

I was sent back to the P.A.T.T room to wait again.  It was SO busy that I had to stand for about 20 minutes until a chair opened up.  There were a few ladies sitting behind me at different stages of their journey... at one point they got on the subject of optifast.. and it definitely has me worried a bit!  They were all talking about how horrible it is, and how they gagged every time the had to drink it.  Hopefully they didn't try all the things that I intend to and it will be delicious lol

Anyway.. then I was called in for blood work.  Now.. I am a body piercer.  I have been for 5 years now.  Putting needles in people does not bother me and blood does not bother me.. but for some reason... watching someone take blood out of me... bothers me very much lol

Once again I was sent back to the waiting room... and waited... and waited.  They were sooo busy!  They say the process takes 1 - 2 hours but I myself was there for 3 1/2 and others that I have talked to had to wait even longer.. so if you are going.. make sure you set aside most of the day!  Thankfully I brought a good book and my cellphone to play on while I waited!!

Finally I was called into the nurses office.  She checked my height and weight, and them went on to check my blood pressure and heart rate.  She asked me every question under the sun (all the same questions that I have answered at least 5 times since the start of this process)  She did seem a bit preoccupied... lots of interruptions.. phone calls and people coming in to ask her questions.. but she apologized every time.  She then went over the ins and outs of the operation and about my stay at the hospital.  There are little exercises that I have to do every few hours...  She did keep asking me about my sleep study and Dr. Shirkin which I thought was weird since that was such a good appointment.  Anyway... back to the waiting room.

By this time I was so tired and mentally worn out that I almost fell asleep sitting up lol  I was finally called into the anesthesiologists office.  His name was Dr. Bernstien (which I thought was very funny.)  He was quick and to the point because he was running behind and even said on the phone that he was probably going to have to send people home without seeing them.  He wend over the actual procedure and what to expect when I wake up... because of the meds and the breathing tube... which I kind of already knew from when I had my tubes tied.  He also asked me about my sleep study.  When I told him my results he looked very confused.  he said that in Dr. Shirkins report it said that I do have moderate sleep apnea.   Now I was the one that was confused!

Right when I thought I was finally going to be able to go home, the nurse came in and said that I had to book a follow up with Dr. Shirkin before the surgery.  All of a sudden I thought my surgery was going to be cancelled or postponed.. but then she came back and told me I could just head over to his office when I was done.

So I said goodbye to Dr. Bernstein and went next door to check in.  Dr. Shirkins receptionist read over my file.  She said that yes, I did in fact have sleep apnea and that during my sleep study I stopped breathing 18 times!

I'm sorry .. but how do you miss something like that the first time around?  She said that the Dr. would set me up with a Cpap machine (which is not cheap)

When I went in to see him, he also read over my file and agreed that there was a mistake but because I was so close to surgery, and that it hasn't really affected my sleep that much  that they would just keep and eye on me after surgery.  He said that the surgery is 100% going to sure my sleep apnea anyway so threes no point in paying for the machine.  If I need one in the hospital, they will supply it.

So FINALLY I was allowed to go home!!!  It was a very long day, 2 hours to get there, 3 1/2 hours there, and 2 hours to get home.... but I know that everything they did was completely necessary and I would do it all again in a heartbeat.

(I'm just glad its over lol)

So... that's it!  I'm going away to Niagara Falls for the long weekend with my husband and two good friends... I cant think of a better way to spend my last few days before I start optifast on Tuesday!!!!

The next time I go to H.R.R.H will be on June 1th at 8:30am to finally have my Gastric Bypass.. and finally start living my life!!!!!

Beautiful by Bethany Dillion

"Beautiful"

I was so unique
Now I feel skin deep
I count on the make-up to cover it all
Crying myself to sleep cause I cannot keep their attention
I thought I could be strong
But it's killing me

Does someone hear my cry?
I'm dying for new life

[Chorus]
I want to be beautiful
Make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart,
and be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
Just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful

Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me
Fighting to make the mirror happy
Trying to find whatever is missing
Won't you help me back to glory

[Chorus]

You make me beautiful
You make me stand in awe
You step inside my heart, and I am amazed
I love to hear You say
Who I am is quite enough
You make me worthy of love and beautiful

May 6/11

So today is my 30th Birthday!  I feel good.. even great!  Much better than my 29th let me tell you!  For some reason I was more scared to turn 29 than 30...  but I think I know why!

At 29 I didn't know yet that a year from then I was going to be on this amazing journey.  At 29 I had pretty much lost hope, and hated who I had allowed my self to become.  I thought, "I'm almost Thirty... and look at me!!!  This is not how I want to spend the rest of my life... a life that we only get one chance at.  I don't want to be a fat girl forever"

But now here I am, one year later, with a whole new outlook on life.  In two weeks I start my optifast, and in 5 weeks I have my surgery.  The best 30th birthday present I ever could have asked for!

So bring on my 30's!  I think this is going to be one of the hardest, but most gratifying years of my life!  And I most definitely can not wait to celebrate my 31st birthday, a few pounds lighter, and a few clothing sizes smaller!

                                THIRTY, FLIRTY & THRIVING!!!!

April 19/11

So it is four weeks till I go for my P.A.T.T.S and just over a month until I start my Optifast!  I have it sitting  my shelf in my kitchen, and every day it reminds me of how close I am to my surgery!

 

Ive been reading and hearing for months and months now about how horrible Optifast is and how hard it is to take.  I'll admit it got to me and it almost makes me want to try a package now just so I know what Im getting into! 

The amazing part about the forums that I read is that for every post that says how awful Optifast is, there is another one with suggestions on how to make it taste better!

There was one particular post by Tracy112205 that was so helpful that I had to write it down and share with others for when they have to go through this stage as well!  I plan on trying as many of these as I can, and I will let you know which ones worked best for me!

OPTIFAST IDEAS
* always use extra liquid  and lots of ice (the colder the better)

VANILLA
~Root beer extract
~Cinnamon
~Cold Decaf Coffee
~Pineapple passion fruit Crystal Light, Rum extract, Coconut extract,   Banana extract (instant pina colada)
~a splash of Sugar Free caramel syrup
~one tsp of decaf instant coffee and Maple extract

CHOCOLATE
~Coconut extract
~Sugar Free caramel syrup
~Mint extract (Ive been advised to use a small amount as it is extra strong)
~Orange extract
~Banana extract
~strong decaf mint tea
~cold decaf coffee

I also read that the DaVinci Syrups are really good as well.

I know I seem to be preparing for the worst, and although Id LOVE to be the odd one that actually likes Optifast ... Im going to load up on this stuff.. just in case!  Having to take four packages a day for 3 weeks is too much of a gamble not too!!!