June 28/11 - First day back to work/first day of purees

I am two weeks post op today, and I went back to work. I honestly thought it wasn't going to be that bad.  I work in a tattoo shop and and its pretty laid back but its harder than I thought it was going to be.  I do have someone there to help and do all of the hard work... so all I have to do is pierce and answer the questions that he doesn't know, but it was still really tiring.  I'm hoping for a better day tomorrow :)

I also started my purees.  I bought a magic bullet and pre made my meals for the next few days which helped a lot.  Everything went down ok, but I definitely felt full pretty quick.  I had a poached egg and 2 TBSP of pureed peaches for breakfast,  3 TBSP of chickpeas mixed with garlic (homemade hummus lol) with 2 pieces of multigrain Melba toast for lunch.. and then 4 TBSP of pureed chicken(mixed with a bit of cream of chicken soup) and 2 TBSP of pureed carrots and potatoes for dinner... which I couldn't finish.  Its so funny to think that that small amount could fill me now where just over a month ago I could finish two large bowls of Sheppard's pie in one sitting!!!!

I haven't checked my weight in a few days now... I really don't want to be one of those people who check the scale everyday.. multiple times!  But I am curious to see how I'm doing... I think Ill wait till Saturday.. maybe check it by weekly .. Ill keep you posted of course!

Heading to my first BBQ/Fire this Friday for Canada Day... and I'm nervous.  I don't really want to bring my pureed food there and have to explain to everyone... nor do I really want to sit and watch everyone eating burgers and macaroni salads in front of me. I might try to convince my husband to go after dinner... so I can avoid it.  I don't think I'm ready yet.

I go back to see Dr. Hagen on July 7th, and then in for my one month check up on July 15th... Ill let you know how I'm doing at that time :)

June 24/11 - Ten Days Out

So I am ten days out.. and feeling SOOO much better than this time last week!!!  It has been hard... not having much of an appetite... trying to get used to timing my meals and measuring what I eat. 
Its hard to have to take a handful of vitamins and pills everyday..
I'm trying my best to get all of my water and protein in but its really really hard to remember!  My cell phone is constantly going off to remind me to take all of my vitamins and meals.
I still have head hunger, and when I see a commercial about food I think that I want it... but I know I cant have it. 
Mike and the kids have been AMAZING this week.  Very helpful and understanding. They have made some delicious (healthy) meals and it is hard to watch them eat, it always smells SO good, but they still need to eat!
So having the surgery doesn't take that away, but I already knew that... but I was hoping that I would just hate food after lol

Even though its hard... and it will be for a long time I'm sure, I know I made the best choice for me. Its been a month today that I started Optifast and I have lost 34 pounds.  So just over a pound a day.  That makes me happy.  Right now I am sitting at exactly 300 pounds.  And I love the fact that the next time I step on the scale I will be in the 200's :)

Last night my husband, my children and I went for a walk, and it was SO nice!  Ive been trying to walk a bit more everyday.. but this was the first time we went as a family just for fun without having somewhere to go.  I'm hoping to make it a habit!!!

I start purees on Tuesday, and I am really excited about that!  Just to be able to add a few textures will be nice after 5 weeks of liquids! I also start back to work on Tuesday and that makes me really nervous.  Even though my job is pretty laid back, and I will have help for a few days... I hope I don't overdo it, and have enough time for my meals since I will have to have both lunch and dinner there.  Yesterday I was feeling great and decided to re organize the kitchen cupboards, and within 10 minutes I felt like I was dying.  I really have to learn to take it easy!

I hope I don't come off as whinny.  I'm so happy with my progress.. but I just don't want people to think that its easy, because its not! But it is worth it!!!

Happy to be Home

I got home from the hospital yesterday.. and I think I'm doing ok all things considering... quite a bit of pain in my left side.. but it helps to walk and that what I'm doing all the time.. walk sip walk sip.

My hospital stay was really good... Dr  Hagen is amazing and the surgery went just as expected.  I was nervous but I think I handled myself pretty well.. 

I tried to joke and make light right up till it was time to go down to the OR... my mom hugged me and started crying which made me start... and then when the nurse came to get me I started again saying goodbye to Mike.  They walked me into the OR and I laid on the table.. there were a lot of people there.. everyone was nice and very interested in my tattoos... even after they gave me the sleepy juice Dr. Hagen was admiring them lol.

I remember them trying to wake me up after the surgery to move me onto the other bed and I tried to sit up and move myself.... When we got to recovery i was in SOOO much pain!!!!  The worst in my life for sure... i couldn't stop moving because it hurt so much.  They finally gave me drugs and I was out cold.  Between surgery and recovery I was gone for over 6 hours.. I obviously didn't mind since I was out.. but it was had for Mike and my mom to have to wait that long.

The first night I ended up having a room to myself which was so nice and unexpected... and it was the room at the end of the hall so it was nice and quiet.. The second day I ended up with a 96 year old woman as a roommate who had broke her hip... she was in soo much pain and still hadn't had her surgery when I left yesterday.  For the most part I was fine... did lots of walking and was able to get up to the bathroom on my own... 

The morphine helped a lot with sleeping.  The only complaint I had was with the ladies who came in to take my blood.  Apparently I have no veins and they had a really hard time finding a place to take blood so I ended up pretty black and blue.

I was overwhelmed with all of the vitamins and meds i was sent home with.. so much more than i thought I would be taking... and with the blood clotting needles and everything else they tell you to get at the pharmacy.. it came to just over $500.... thank god I have savings lol.  But at least it all works out to about a 6 month supply.

Injecting myself with the blood clotting needles has been hard.  My husband is wonderful but has a queasy stomach, so I have to do it on my own.  You would think since Im a piercer that Id be a pro.. but its different when you re putting something in you!!!! It stings a bit.. but once I learned to do it properly its not as bad...

Taking it hour by hour... in more pain than i thought it would be.... the girls on this forum are either super tough or lying lol.. (just kidding)   i may have already had an incident with dumping but I'm not sure... yesterday I tried some of the liquid Tylenol that they give you from the hospital... all of my food has been staying down no problem.. but about 15 minutes after i took the Tylenol I got really hot.. my face got all flushed, and i started walking... I thought I had to pass gas but ended up  passing alot more on the kitchen floor. (TMI I know)  That has never happened to me before and it was out of me and on the floor before I even knew what was happening.  I went to the bathroom and started to dry heave as well... and then I broke down crying... it was a low point for sure.  I am following the meal plan to the tee... and I intend to do so the entire time... that way I cant fail.  My mom thought the Tylenol may of had sugar in it or because I don't like it I may have drank it too fast.....

My husband is the most wonderful caring person i have ever met and has been by my side non stop through this whole thing.. he makes and measures all of my food.. 


does all the laundry and cleaning ... and just takes care of me.  (and Im sorry but any man who will clean up your mess off the kitchen floor with out complaints and still tell you that he loves you is freaking amazing) I am the luckiest woman in the world.  I was also subscribed some perks and i have to say that they are pretty amazing!  Knock me right out.  I'm feeling better today.. eating better and not as emotional ....  






The vitamins are very large and not the best.... but at least I can get them down without wanting to vomit.  The really big one is Calcium and I have to take it 3 times a day... it tastes like a giant cinnamon heart... but soo big!!!!!

This is quite the journey we have decided to embark.. and i knew that before i started.. but you really cant know until you are really in it.

THIS IS IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So... tomorrow is the day.  I'm on my last day of Optifast.  3 more shakes to get down and then I'm finally done lol  I am down 19 pounds... and that makes me happy.
 
The kids are off to their dads tonight for the week... their bags are packed and ready to go... I shed some tears this morning when I walked them to school... its hard to say goodbye.... but they are being so strong and supportive.  My daughter gave me one of her teddies to take to the hospital with me so I can have someone to hug.   

I went grocery shopping last night to grab some of the things that I will need after surgery... I didn't realize it would take so long when you have to stop and actually look at what you are buying lol                            


I can say after 3 weeks of Optifast.. the thought of having Cream Soups makes my mouth water!  There's so many different kinds.. thankfully low fat and low sodium too.. so I may have gone overboard buying every kind they had!  Especially since one can will last me like 10 meals!!!!

I talked to my Mother last night (adopted mom) and had a good cry... i seem to be super emotional.  My mom (birth mom) is coming up tonight to stay with me, and my husband took the week off to be with me.  We will be at the hospital at 8:30am.  Surgery at 10:30.

My mother asked me what worries me the most, and I don't know... the whole situation I guess.  I'm scared.  I'm scared of the pain... I'm scared of complications... I'm scared of the healing process.

But I am not scared about the outcome.  I have never been more ready or determined to succeed at anything in my life.  This is life changing ... and that's what I want it to be.  I'm soo freaking excited to get on the bench!!!

See y'all on the flip side

June 7/11 - One More Week

So.. one more week!  This time next Tuesday I will be rolling into surgery.

The nerves have kicked it... and along with it.. second thoughts...  which I know are normal.. and I know I wont back out. I know how bad I need this.. and that its the best thing for me.. but its really really scary!!!

The kids are going to their dads Monday night.. and staying with him for a week.  I'm so thankful for the help and I know I will heal easier if I don't have to worry about cleaning and taking care of them.. but I'm going to miss them like crazy!

My mom is coming down Monday night to be with me when I go to the hospital.. which means the world to me!!!  To be able to have her and Mikey with me should keep my nerves in check!!!  Mike took the week off to take care of me after the surgery too...

I don't know what I did to deserve such an amazing family.. but I'm soo happy I have them!!!!

Optifast has been going very well... 15 days down... 6 more to go.  My head hunger is under control.. as is my constipation (for the most part!!!) I'm down 15 pounds... I don't know if that is enough.. but I have done everything I was told to do.. still haven't cheated at all.. not even a nibble... although I have definitely complained about it from time to time lol....

I'm so excited to get this part over with.. and move on to the real journey...
One more week!!!

June 2 - Day 10 of Optifast.

Day 10!  Half way there.  I'm still constipated, but its not as bad as it was.  At least now I have something to take if i need to.

I'm down 11 pounds.. I know it would be more if I could just poop (TMI i know)  I haven't cheated at all, not even close.  Only my thoughts are getting to me.. and sometimes I dream about cheating lol

I  do know I wouldn't be doing as well as I am if it wasn't for all my support.  Not just at home (but the have been great) but at work, through texts, BBMs, emails, Facebook and especially ObesityHelp.com.

My friends from the Ontario Forum are just amazing people!  Always there to support you, and give you support, and answer all my questions!

I have another reason to be excited now!!!  On October 20th I will be going to new york for the first time!  There is going to be an event put on by ObesityHelp.com called "Sex in the City" and there will be seminars, guest speakers, a fashion show... everything to do with weight loss and nutrition.  I cant wait!!!  I personally am going with 3 ladies from the forum, who I have yet to meet in person, but we are planning a get together hopefully in July.  I love this whole process of making new friends.  Especially when they know first hand what I am going through.

I honestly cant think of a better goal I could have set for myself.  I have roughly 4 months before new York, and I cant wait to see what I look like by then.  To be 30, in New York, healthy and Liking what I look like... will be a dream come true!!!  And if my mom and sister can come too.. that will be a very special added bonus!

12 more days!  I'm not sure why I'm not freaking out.  maybe I'm still in denial.  |It really doesn't feel real yet, but I'm sure the day before surgery I will be a mess lol

May 29/11

Day 6 of optifast.

So Ive been doing pretty well I think.... I haven't cheated at all, I'm drinking a lot of water (well more than I'm used to)

I'm getting most of my optifast in, although the last two days I only drank 3 out of the four that I am supposed to.

I still don't like the vanilla, but I have found a way to drink it.  I found if I mix half chocolate and half vanilla with really cold water, I can drink in no problem without having to add anything extra... and using a shaker works just as good as the blender (less clean up lol)

I haven't really been hungry.  I have had to watch my daughter and her grandfather eat homemade burgers and fries in front of me.... Ive done grocery shopping for the family (that was hard), and Ive cooked meals for the kids... and I was fine!  I even wiped my finger off when I got gravy on it instead of licking it of lol

But today......

Today is an off day. 

I'm irritable, and emotional....
and I am also very constipated!  Which could also explain why I'm so irritable lol  Its probably one of the worst feelings in the world.  Mike went and bought me some Ex Lax... and I took two... even if I shouldn't have.. it was Necessary!

Anyway.. tomorrow is day 7.  One week down.. two to go.. which means two weeks till surgery!!!!