So I promised myself that when I decided to write this blog I would be honest.. and share not just the good but the bad.
Well last night, I had a bad moment. Yesterday was my sons 9th birthday. We have a tradition that the birthday person gets to decide what they want for dinner... I have been sooo good at keeping bad foods out of the house, and eating really healthy at home at at work... but it was his birthday and he wanted Chinese food.
At first I was just going to send my husband and the kids out to eat.. but we decided that it would be cheaper just to order in. Long story short... I convinced myself that I have been so good and able to keep my foods down pretty well so I should be able to have a bit of Chinese food for his birthday dinner.... boy was I wrong! After about 10 minutes my chest started to hurt and my mouth started to fill with saliva... and then out of no where.. every piece of Chinese food I ate... came right back up.
I felt soo stupid, especially because my husband already warned me and told me it probably wasn't a good idea to try it. I had a bit of a melt down after. I'm seeing these amazing changes in how I feel and look and I went to such great measures to make sure I wouldn't eat crap like that anymore... and what do I do? I was so mad at myself.. but in one way I think I was crying over the fact that I cant eat it... I know its crap but I really used to like Chinese food.
I know most people wont understand this.. but its like taking an alcoholic and putting all sorts of drinks in front of them and telling them not to touch them while everyone around them drinks it in front of them.
And its not like I'm starving.. or even hungry.. its all in my head. I think I want it.. but I know I don't. I can keep food out of my house.. but I'm going to face these challenges along the way... I have to figure out a better way to deal with it.
The only good thing that came out of the experience is that my pouch is actually working thankfully and I cant eat the bad stuff.
Ive said it before... the good of this surgery will always outweigh the bad...but that was not fun. I learned from it though.. and I'm ready to move on..
Today is a new day.
Well last night, I had a bad moment. Yesterday was my sons 9th birthday. We have a tradition that the birthday person gets to decide what they want for dinner... I have been sooo good at keeping bad foods out of the house, and eating really healthy at home at at work... but it was his birthday and he wanted Chinese food.
At first I was just going to send my husband and the kids out to eat.. but we decided that it would be cheaper just to order in. Long story short... I convinced myself that I have been so good and able to keep my foods down pretty well so I should be able to have a bit of Chinese food for his birthday dinner.... boy was I wrong! After about 10 minutes my chest started to hurt and my mouth started to fill with saliva... and then out of no where.. every piece of Chinese food I ate... came right back up.
I felt soo stupid, especially because my husband already warned me and told me it probably wasn't a good idea to try it. I had a bit of a melt down after. I'm seeing these amazing changes in how I feel and look and I went to such great measures to make sure I wouldn't eat crap like that anymore... and what do I do? I was so mad at myself.. but in one way I think I was crying over the fact that I cant eat it... I know its crap but I really used to like Chinese food.
I know most people wont understand this.. but its like taking an alcoholic and putting all sorts of drinks in front of them and telling them not to touch them while everyone around them drinks it in front of them.
And its not like I'm starving.. or even hungry.. its all in my head. I think I want it.. but I know I don't. I can keep food out of my house.. but I'm going to face these challenges along the way... I have to figure out a better way to deal with it.
The only good thing that came out of the experience is that my pouch is actually working thankfully and I cant eat the bad stuff.
Ive said it before... the good of this surgery will always outweigh the bad...but that was not fun. I learned from it though.. and I'm ready to move on..
Today is a new day.
No idea if you will see my comment but good job!!!
ReplyDeleteNo idea if you will see my comment but good job!!!
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