A fellow WLS patient just uploaded a video about her experiences with relationships post weight loss. I thought it was a great topic and thought I would share my own views since they were quite different from hers. Which is not surprising since I know that everyone has different experiences!
First... Friendships.
Most of my friends have been nothing but supportive and nice (although I'm sure they may get sick of me talking about it and who knows what they say when I'm not around lol) I do try not to talk about it too much with certain people because i don't want them to feel uncomfortable but it is hard when its such a huge part of my life and im so excited about it!
I know for myself that some of my friendships have dwindled over the past few months. I do understand that friendships can change after WLS especially if those friendships revolve around food.
I have seen that there can be some jealousy when someone loses a lot of weight.. Others can feel left behind. I know this because i have been on both sides of it. I feel that if you do lose friends through this process, maybe some of those friendships would've ended anyway. Not just because of weight loss.
And then there are the people who I hardly ever used to talk to who are super friendly to me now... Part of me want to ask them why they all of a sudden have such an interest in me when a year ago they wouldn't have even given me the time of day. Then there are the friends who say things.. Intentionally or not... That hurt. Asking why I just didn't go to the gym more or eat less. Why I was taking the easy way out when there are others that they know who lost 100 pounds on Jenny Craig etc. Those people don't understand that obesity is a disease. I'm not just lazy and I didn't just eat junk food all day everyday. Yes I made poor choices but there was so much more to it. And if you think the having Gastric Bypass is the easy way out, you are VERY mistaken!
Last but not least there are the friends that I have made BECAUSE of WLS. Some that I have had the privilege to meet in person and some that I only know online but I consider them part of my family.
I am so lucky to have such a wonderful support system. I cherish each and everyone of my friends!
As for family... For the most part my family has been very supportive. I know when my sister lost all of her weight I was VERY jealous of her. I thought she was changing and leaving me behind we didn't have things in common anymore and i resented her. It wasn't until I myself was losing the weight that i finally understood what she went through. I have had weight issues with some family members my whole life and I know that there are some that didn't believe that I could do it or thought I would fail or think that i will regain it all back. I am only 7 months out but I intend to prove them wrong. Family is family no matter what and I believe I have become a lot closer with mine through this.
Now when it comes to sexual relationships, My husband and I were together for almost 3 years before I had surgery. We got married when my weight was at my highest. I know he loves me no matter what I look like. I also know that he loves the fact that I have more "stamina" now lol Even though I am still very self conscience about my skin and I think he is too. I feel almost more self conscience now then when i was bigger. At least then I filled out my skin and had big breasts. Now that I am getting smaller I have sooo much skin. It's gross. I hide it with spanx and padded bras but when it's just my husband and I at home... It's not that easy. I constantly feel that I am unattractive. It's a hard transition full of emotions and stress. And I know how hard its been for him too.. Watching me get sick and going to the doctors with me. Feeling guilty for eating things in front of me when he shouldn't because he didn't choose this, I did. I have seen and heard of many relationships ending after WLS. I believe that if you didn't have a strong relationship before.. Having surgery will not fix it. I am VERY thankful to have such a supportive husband!
Only keep those in your life that want to be there. The rest aren't worth your time!
I hope you dont mind that I joined your blog lol. Dont want to creep, just curious.
ReplyDeleteSo well written Amy. What an amazingly difficult and powerful journey. This must be one of the most rewarding and challenging experiences of your life. I am not very knowledgeable about WLS, but, listening to what you have endured with friends and family I can definitely relate to. It's times like these that show you how strong you are. Keep up the good fight Dollface. You are gonna shine when the hard part is over xox
I swear this is the last revised comment I'll leave.
ReplyDeleteFor me, nothing has 'changed' except I know you're doing something for yourself (and I don't mean in a selfish way). That's what I support: your decisions and your well being, without the specifics of the surgery you had. And even though we haven't necessarily seen each other too too much the last couple years, the frequency hasn't changed really all that much since you got married and took a more full time family approach. But I can see things may change and stand out with some. The good thing is that you're very aware of it. That lends to better decision about how you should then respond. I have faith you'll make a good one.
I love you Amy! We have always had a very special bond! I am so very very proud of you for taking that step 7 months ago. Losing weight without surgery and losing weight with surgery are both not easy! Not everyone is going to understand BUT that does not matter! You should be very very proud of where you have come. Amy, the friends you lose, really were not worth keeping in the end. I have learned that TRUE FRIENDSHIPS stick by through all times!!!!! You and I have learned that from losing a precious child... Hold on to those ones and let the others fall by the wayside!!!!!
ReplyDeleteYou were jealous of ME??? Silly Girl! I have lived what you just wrote. It's strange how your relationships change and how friends pull away from you because they feel you've changed. Well you have "changed", but you are still the same person. Just a smaller (and sometimes more confident) version of yourself. The skin sucks!!! Trust me, you know how much I just loved mine... It's still hard to get your head wrapped around being so happy that you've lost the weight, but so unhappy with yourself for the way your body looks hidden behind saggy skin. You'll find new ways to camouflage the skin and really it's something to be very proud of! I am proud of my scars from where they took the skin away. Don't love them or want to show them off, but they are a symbol of the weight loss just as your saggy skin is a symbol of all the hard work you've gone through the last 7 months. I can more than relate, and I'm always here for ya babe!!
ReplyDeleteAmy, it takes great courage and strength to do what you have done, and know that no matter what... its all for your long term health, we want you here.. for a long time :D
ReplyDeleteI know you and I dont know each other very well, but have known of and even spoken to each other on the occasions where our mutual friends used to get together, but I say this to you now because the strength to beat the disease is strong in you that you cannot look back, you will not let obesity beat you, thats why you have taken the steps you have and for that my dear We applaud you. And if your "friends" say things like "why didnt you go to the gym" then they are heartless people who just dont understand... but forgive them of their ignorance for they know not what they do... and know that within thine heart you are being true to you and your family... big hugs to you along this journey and know that there are those even distant that are rooting for you :D
Love
Krista