Aug 27 - The Good, The Bad & The Ugly.

First.. the good!

I am down 60 pounds in just under 3 months.  I have been waiting to say this but I have finally lost the equivalent to an elephants penis LOL      I am down 3 pant sizes.  I had to get rid of all of my jeans... even my favorite pair because they just wouldn't stay on anymore!  I can cross my legs again... almost comfortably lol... but I can do it none the less...

The bad....

My hair is falling out like CRAZY!!!!!   Every morning I dread having my shower for fear of my hair coming out in handfuls.  I knew it was coming.. Ive read lots about it and I know it doesn't last forever and that it will grow back.. but it still freaks me out and I'm scared that I'm going to go bald... I may just have to start investing in wigs or bandannas!!!!

Also ... I tried an alcoholic drink.  I had a shot of vodka mixed with a glass of water and crystal light.  Only 56 calories.. no fat, no sugar, no carbs... but man did it ever hit me!  I felt fine after the first one... and I thought I could handle one more.. but I didn't even get half way through it before feeling completely drunk and passing out!!!   So I am definitely a very cheap drunk!  Not something I plan on repeating either.. I hate that feeling!

The ugly.

I haven't been feeling very good.  I will have one good day, where I can eat no problem... but then Ill have 2 or 3 days where its uncomfortable to even drink.  My pouch feels tight (normal I'm sure) and no matter how slow I eat and how much I chew it feels like it gets stuck and I can never finish.  It is really uncomfortable.  I hope it passes.. I hope its just part of the process.. because if not I'm going to be a really cranky Amy!!!!

Aug 12 - Bad Night....

So I promised myself that when I decided to write this blog I would be honest.. and share not just the good but the bad.

Well last night, I had a bad moment.  Yesterday was my sons 9th birthday.  We have a tradition that the birthday person gets to decide what they want for dinner...  I have been sooo good at keeping bad foods out of the house, and eating really healthy at home at at work... but it was his birthday and he wanted Chinese food.

At first I was just going to send my husband and the kids out to eat.. but we decided that it would be cheaper just to order in.  Long story short... I convinced myself that I have been so good and able to keep my foods down pretty well so I should be able to have a bit of Chinese food for his birthday dinner.... boy was I wrong!   After about 10 minutes my chest started to hurt and my mouth started to fill with saliva... and then out of no where.. every piece of Chinese food I ate... came right back up.

I felt soo stupid, especially because my husband already warned me and told me it probably wasn't a good idea to try it.  I had a bit of a melt down after.  I'm seeing these amazing changes in how I feel and look and I went to such great measures to make sure I wouldn't eat crap like that anymore... and what do I do?  I was so mad at myself.. but in one way I think I was crying over the fact that I cant eat it... I know its crap but I really used to like Chinese food.

I know most people wont understand this.. but its like taking an alcoholic and putting all sorts of drinks in front of them and telling them not to touch them while everyone around them drinks it in front of them.

And its not like I'm starving.. or even hungry.. its all in my head.  I think I want it.. but I know I don't.  I can keep food out of my house.. but I'm going to face these challenges along the way... I have to figure out a better way to deal with it.

The only good thing that came out of the experience is that my pouch is actually working thankfully and I cant eat the bad stuff.

Ive said it before... the good of this surgery will always outweigh the bad...but that was not fun.  I learned from it though.. and I'm ready to move on..

Today is a new day.

Aug 10 - My very first NSV x 2!!!!!

Yesterday at work a girl came in to book a tattoo appointment that I haven't seen in about 6 months.  She came up to me and says " It looks like you've lost some weight!  You look great!"

It was the first person who didn't know I had surgery to say something!!!!! It made me feel soo good!  I just wanted to shout, YES!!!!  I HAVE LOST WEIGHT!!!!  THANK YOU FOR NOTICING!!!!!!!  lol  but I just said thank you lol

After work I went to the mall with my best friend.  She likes to shop at Rickies... I personally could never shop there because they didn't have my size... but right before we were leaving I thought .. what the heck.. and tried on a pretty pink top., and not only did it fit but it was loose!  It was the biggest size in the store mind you.. but still 2 - 3 times smaller than what I'm used to wearing!!!!

They had a sale on that if you bought one sale item you got another one for a dollar.. so my friend Bre bought it for me as a reward lol

I told her that this was so awesome.. but could turn out to be dangerous.  Ive never really been the type to care about clothes or buy alot... but I could see this turning into a nice little hobby!!!!


(in case you were wondering, NSV is a term we use on our forum for Non Surgical Victory)

Aug 8 - 50 pounds gone forever!!!

So here I am... just about two months since surgery.. and I have finally lost 50 pounds!!  I am in desperate need of new pants... and the shirts that have been in my closet for the past year with tags on them.. that I couldn't button around my middle.. finally fit me.. and loosely!  Its so nice to see the changes.. its really good motivation!

I'm having a bit of issues with food now that didn't really bother me at first.. but Ive heard that your pouch gets a bit more sensitive after a few weeks.  Chicken is really had for me.. maybe because its to dry or dense... and breads.. although Ive only tried wraps.. but they do not sit well at all!  A lot of foods have made me feel sick.. but usually it doesn't do so until about 20 minutes after I finish eating.  That makes it hard to know what I can and cant handle... so Ive pretty much stuck with softer foods that I know I can stomach!!!  I guess I'm just sick of feeling sick...

I keep thinking I'm not loosing as fast as I should be... but according to Dr. Hagen I'm right on track.  When I saw him at one month out.. I had lost 35 pounds.  He expects me to lose another 30 to 40 in the next 3 months and I'm already down 15 more pounds since then.... so I guess I'm on my way lol  But you cant blame me for wanting it to go faster!!!!

Its crazy how many people have contacted me since my surgery to tell me they are thinking about it or have had it too.  I love being able to share my experiences with them, and I hope I am able to give them a bit of insight !!!   Don't get me wrong...  I have a lot of learning to do myself, but its nice to think I might be able to help someone out when I'm only two months post op!!!

Sorry for my ramblings... I'm just trying to work things out in my head!

July 27/11 - 6 weeks out!

So I am about 6 weeks since surgery and Im finally starting to feel back to normal.. or should I say like the new me!  Up until now I hadn't really noticed much change.. but the last few days my pants have been falling off and my shirts are super loose! 
I have lost 45 pounds since I started Optifast.. so in two months... I have been trying to loose that for years lol... I already have more energy.. I cant wait to see how losing another 45 pounds will make me feel!
And real food!  How Ive missed you!  And how I appreciate every bite now!  The first few meals that I measured out made me sad.. looking at my plate with hardly anything on it... thinking to myself that there is no way this will fill me up.. but honestly I hardly ever finish my meals!  I get soo full so fast so I try to make every bite count.  Filling up on my protein first and my veggies... and meal plannings not as hard as I thought it would be.. especially when you can get four meals out of  a piece of chicken lol
Im trying so hard to remember all of my vitamins... Ive set reminders on my phone.. I do forget the odd one here and there.. but there are just so many!  I know how important they are though so I will keep going.
I went to my very first OH support group meeting.. although I actually missed the meeting part and got there just in time for coffee!  It was really great to meet people and put faces to names... I also got to meet 3 of the ladies that I am going to New York with in October for the OH Sex in the City event... here's a "before pic" of the four of us.. cant wait to take another picture in October!

I recently started Zumba for Wii at home.. OMG is it ever hard lol.. maybe its just because I have no rhythm but I'm finding it so hard to keep up even with the instructional parts!  I thought I should try to learn the steps though before signing up for a real class and embarrassing myself! 
It hasn't been the easiest road.. but I'm glad I started this journey!

July 15 - One month check up.

So last week I had a three week check up with Dr. Hagen....

The whole appt only lasted about 3 minutes. Dr. Hagen weighed me asked if I had any questions or concerns. I said nope and he says I'm doing great and that I will be very happy I did this. And he wants to see me in 3 months.

So far I have lost 35 pounds... Ive been sitting at that for over a week now.. and although I know its normal it was still nice to have the reassurance that everything was normal and that I'm right on track.  He thinks I should easily lose 30 - 40 pounds in the next 3 months.. and he said he thinks Ill be able to lose 150 pounds no problem :)

Not sure if it was worth the 4 hour round trip but oh well...

And today I had my one month check up at HRRH with the dietitian.  I had Denise who I know some people have complained about... I'm guessing it worked because I have met with her twice now  and both times they went very well.
Again I was weighed.. and now am at 295 (39 pounds lost with clothes on) since I started optifast.

My BMI when I started this was 55.... I am now at 49 :)

I'm finally out of the pureed stage and I'm able to start soft solid food and work my way up to crunchy and normal!  I'm so excited.. and nervous to try new things... I'm just glad I can start to get back to my new normal routine lol

I was sent to PATTS again for more blood work.. apparently my hemoglobin and iron is low... soo much blood they took!!!!!!!  Thank god I dont have to go through that again for a while!

And now on to the next stage of my journey... exercise!  Ive been walking alot more than I'm used to and now with the puppy and walking back and forth to work...  its daily.  i was thinking about joining Curves.. but after talking to a lot of people on the forum I'm starting to think its not the best route for me.  So I'm looking into other options... I really want to join a Zumba class.. but I'm scared I wont be able to keep up with everyone yet lol....

So far things haven't been as hard as I expected... but its still hard.  Thank god for my husband... he has been my rock through this!  its nice to start to be able to see results though... my clothes are definitely getting looser... and I'm not sure how much longer my wedding rings are going to stay on! 

Anyway I'm doctor free for the next 3 months ... which is so nice since it takes me forever to get there and back! 

Life is good :)

July 2/11 - First time in 13 years!!!!

Today I got on a bike for the first time in 13 years!  It was super hard at first.. and a bit embarrassing.. but I did it, and once I got started it was much easier. Like they say.. "Just like riding a bike!"
My husband was going to buy me this perfect bike for my birthday in May but they didn't have them in stock at the time, so we went today.. and there it was!!!
My husband is such an amazing supporter, and ran along side me the whole time to make sure I didn't fall... I love him soo much!  He tried to get a picture of me while I was riding it, but he couldn't figure out the settings, and I was afraid to stop to show him how thinking I wouldn't be able to start again lol

I do have to admit I think I may have tried a bit too soon... my stomach is hurting a little bit now.. Probably because I was moving in ways I haven't in years! lol

I cant wait to get out there and ride with my kids... One of the many things I was looking forward to doing after the surgery!!!

June 28/11 - First day back to work/first day of purees

I am two weeks post op today, and I went back to work. I honestly thought it wasn't going to be that bad.  I work in a tattoo shop and and its pretty laid back but its harder than I thought it was going to be.  I do have someone there to help and do all of the hard work... so all I have to do is pierce and answer the questions that he doesn't know, but it was still really tiring.  I'm hoping for a better day tomorrow :)

I also started my purees.  I bought a magic bullet and pre made my meals for the next few days which helped a lot.  Everything went down ok, but I definitely felt full pretty quick.  I had a poached egg and 2 TBSP of pureed peaches for breakfast,  3 TBSP of chickpeas mixed with garlic (homemade hummus lol) with 2 pieces of multigrain Melba toast for lunch.. and then 4 TBSP of pureed chicken(mixed with a bit of cream of chicken soup) and 2 TBSP of pureed carrots and potatoes for dinner... which I couldn't finish.  Its so funny to think that that small amount could fill me now where just over a month ago I could finish two large bowls of Sheppard's pie in one sitting!!!!

I haven't checked my weight in a few days now... I really don't want to be one of those people who check the scale everyday.. multiple times!  But I am curious to see how I'm doing... I think Ill wait till Saturday.. maybe check it by weekly .. Ill keep you posted of course!

Heading to my first BBQ/Fire this Friday for Canada Day... and I'm nervous.  I don't really want to bring my pureed food there and have to explain to everyone... nor do I really want to sit and watch everyone eating burgers and macaroni salads in front of me. I might try to convince my husband to go after dinner... so I can avoid it.  I don't think I'm ready yet.

I go back to see Dr. Hagen on July 7th, and then in for my one month check up on July 15th... Ill let you know how I'm doing at that time :)

June 24/11 - Ten Days Out

So I am ten days out.. and feeling SOOO much better than this time last week!!!  It has been hard... not having much of an appetite... trying to get used to timing my meals and measuring what I eat. 
Its hard to have to take a handful of vitamins and pills everyday..
I'm trying my best to get all of my water and protein in but its really really hard to remember!  My cell phone is constantly going off to remind me to take all of my vitamins and meals.
I still have head hunger, and when I see a commercial about food I think that I want it... but I know I cant have it. 
Mike and the kids have been AMAZING this week.  Very helpful and understanding. They have made some delicious (healthy) meals and it is hard to watch them eat, it always smells SO good, but they still need to eat!
So having the surgery doesn't take that away, but I already knew that... but I was hoping that I would just hate food after lol

Even though its hard... and it will be for a long time I'm sure, I know I made the best choice for me. Its been a month today that I started Optifast and I have lost 34 pounds.  So just over a pound a day.  That makes me happy.  Right now I am sitting at exactly 300 pounds.  And I love the fact that the next time I step on the scale I will be in the 200's :)

Last night my husband, my children and I went for a walk, and it was SO nice!  Ive been trying to walk a bit more everyday.. but this was the first time we went as a family just for fun without having somewhere to go.  I'm hoping to make it a habit!!!

I start purees on Tuesday, and I am really excited about that!  Just to be able to add a few textures will be nice after 5 weeks of liquids! I also start back to work on Tuesday and that makes me really nervous.  Even though my job is pretty laid back, and I will have help for a few days... I hope I don't overdo it, and have enough time for my meals since I will have to have both lunch and dinner there.  Yesterday I was feeling great and decided to re organize the kitchen cupboards, and within 10 minutes I felt like I was dying.  I really have to learn to take it easy!

I hope I don't come off as whinny.  I'm so happy with my progress.. but I just don't want people to think that its easy, because its not! But it is worth it!!!

Happy to be Home

I got home from the hospital yesterday.. and I think I'm doing ok all things considering... quite a bit of pain in my left side.. but it helps to walk and that what I'm doing all the time.. walk sip walk sip.

My hospital stay was really good... Dr  Hagen is amazing and the surgery went just as expected.  I was nervous but I think I handled myself pretty well.. 

I tried to joke and make light right up till it was time to go down to the OR... my mom hugged me and started crying which made me start... and then when the nurse came to get me I started again saying goodbye to Mike.  They walked me into the OR and I laid on the table.. there were a lot of people there.. everyone was nice and very interested in my tattoos... even after they gave me the sleepy juice Dr. Hagen was admiring them lol.

I remember them trying to wake me up after the surgery to move me onto the other bed and I tried to sit up and move myself.... When we got to recovery i was in SOOO much pain!!!!  The worst in my life for sure... i couldn't stop moving because it hurt so much.  They finally gave me drugs and I was out cold.  Between surgery and recovery I was gone for over 6 hours.. I obviously didn't mind since I was out.. but it was had for Mike and my mom to have to wait that long.

The first night I ended up having a room to myself which was so nice and unexpected... and it was the room at the end of the hall so it was nice and quiet.. The second day I ended up with a 96 year old woman as a roommate who had broke her hip... she was in soo much pain and still hadn't had her surgery when I left yesterday.  For the most part I was fine... did lots of walking and was able to get up to the bathroom on my own... 

The morphine helped a lot with sleeping.  The only complaint I had was with the ladies who came in to take my blood.  Apparently I have no veins and they had a really hard time finding a place to take blood so I ended up pretty black and blue.

I was overwhelmed with all of the vitamins and meds i was sent home with.. so much more than i thought I would be taking... and with the blood clotting needles and everything else they tell you to get at the pharmacy.. it came to just over $500.... thank god I have savings lol.  But at least it all works out to about a 6 month supply.

Injecting myself with the blood clotting needles has been hard.  My husband is wonderful but has a queasy stomach, so I have to do it on my own.  You would think since Im a piercer that Id be a pro.. but its different when you re putting something in you!!!! It stings a bit.. but once I learned to do it properly its not as bad...

Taking it hour by hour... in more pain than i thought it would be.... the girls on this forum are either super tough or lying lol.. (just kidding)   i may have already had an incident with dumping but I'm not sure... yesterday I tried some of the liquid Tylenol that they give you from the hospital... all of my food has been staying down no problem.. but about 15 minutes after i took the Tylenol I got really hot.. my face got all flushed, and i started walking... I thought I had to pass gas but ended up  passing alot more on the kitchen floor. (TMI I know)  That has never happened to me before and it was out of me and on the floor before I even knew what was happening.  I went to the bathroom and started to dry heave as well... and then I broke down crying... it was a low point for sure.  I am following the meal plan to the tee... and I intend to do so the entire time... that way I cant fail.  My mom thought the Tylenol may of had sugar in it or because I don't like it I may have drank it too fast.....

My husband is the most wonderful caring person i have ever met and has been by my side non stop through this whole thing.. he makes and measures all of my food.. 


does all the laundry and cleaning ... and just takes care of me.  (and Im sorry but any man who will clean up your mess off the kitchen floor with out complaints and still tell you that he loves you is freaking amazing) I am the luckiest woman in the world.  I was also subscribed some perks and i have to say that they are pretty amazing!  Knock me right out.  I'm feeling better today.. eating better and not as emotional ....  






The vitamins are very large and not the best.... but at least I can get them down without wanting to vomit.  The really big one is Calcium and I have to take it 3 times a day... it tastes like a giant cinnamon heart... but soo big!!!!!

This is quite the journey we have decided to embark.. and i knew that before i started.. but you really cant know until you are really in it.

THIS IS IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So... tomorrow is the day.  I'm on my last day of Optifast.  3 more shakes to get down and then I'm finally done lol  I am down 19 pounds... and that makes me happy.
 
The kids are off to their dads tonight for the week... their bags are packed and ready to go... I shed some tears this morning when I walked them to school... its hard to say goodbye.... but they are being so strong and supportive.  My daughter gave me one of her teddies to take to the hospital with me so I can have someone to hug.   

I went grocery shopping last night to grab some of the things that I will need after surgery... I didn't realize it would take so long when you have to stop and actually look at what you are buying lol                            


I can say after 3 weeks of Optifast.. the thought of having Cream Soups makes my mouth water!  There's so many different kinds.. thankfully low fat and low sodium too.. so I may have gone overboard buying every kind they had!  Especially since one can will last me like 10 meals!!!!

I talked to my Mother last night (adopted mom) and had a good cry... i seem to be super emotional.  My mom (birth mom) is coming up tonight to stay with me, and my husband took the week off to be with me.  We will be at the hospital at 8:30am.  Surgery at 10:30.

My mother asked me what worries me the most, and I don't know... the whole situation I guess.  I'm scared.  I'm scared of the pain... I'm scared of complications... I'm scared of the healing process.

But I am not scared about the outcome.  I have never been more ready or determined to succeed at anything in my life.  This is life changing ... and that's what I want it to be.  I'm soo freaking excited to get on the bench!!!

See y'all on the flip side

June 7/11 - One More Week

So.. one more week!  This time next Tuesday I will be rolling into surgery.

The nerves have kicked it... and along with it.. second thoughts...  which I know are normal.. and I know I wont back out. I know how bad I need this.. and that its the best thing for me.. but its really really scary!!!

The kids are going to their dads Monday night.. and staying with him for a week.  I'm so thankful for the help and I know I will heal easier if I don't have to worry about cleaning and taking care of them.. but I'm going to miss them like crazy!

My mom is coming down Monday night to be with me when I go to the hospital.. which means the world to me!!!  To be able to have her and Mikey with me should keep my nerves in check!!!  Mike took the week off to take care of me after the surgery too...

I don't know what I did to deserve such an amazing family.. but I'm soo happy I have them!!!!

Optifast has been going very well... 15 days down... 6 more to go.  My head hunger is under control.. as is my constipation (for the most part!!!) I'm down 15 pounds... I don't know if that is enough.. but I have done everything I was told to do.. still haven't cheated at all.. not even a nibble... although I have definitely complained about it from time to time lol....

I'm so excited to get this part over with.. and move on to the real journey...
One more week!!!

June 2 - Day 10 of Optifast.

Day 10!  Half way there.  I'm still constipated, but its not as bad as it was.  At least now I have something to take if i need to.

I'm down 11 pounds.. I know it would be more if I could just poop (TMI i know)  I haven't cheated at all, not even close.  Only my thoughts are getting to me.. and sometimes I dream about cheating lol

I  do know I wouldn't be doing as well as I am if it wasn't for all my support.  Not just at home (but the have been great) but at work, through texts, BBMs, emails, Facebook and especially ObesityHelp.com.

My friends from the Ontario Forum are just amazing people!  Always there to support you, and give you support, and answer all my questions!

I have another reason to be excited now!!!  On October 20th I will be going to new york for the first time!  There is going to be an event put on by ObesityHelp.com called "Sex in the City" and there will be seminars, guest speakers, a fashion show... everything to do with weight loss and nutrition.  I cant wait!!!  I personally am going with 3 ladies from the forum, who I have yet to meet in person, but we are planning a get together hopefully in July.  I love this whole process of making new friends.  Especially when they know first hand what I am going through.

I honestly cant think of a better goal I could have set for myself.  I have roughly 4 months before new York, and I cant wait to see what I look like by then.  To be 30, in New York, healthy and Liking what I look like... will be a dream come true!!!  And if my mom and sister can come too.. that will be a very special added bonus!

12 more days!  I'm not sure why I'm not freaking out.  maybe I'm still in denial.  |It really doesn't feel real yet, but I'm sure the day before surgery I will be a mess lol

May 29/11

Day 6 of optifast.

So Ive been doing pretty well I think.... I haven't cheated at all, I'm drinking a lot of water (well more than I'm used to)

I'm getting most of my optifast in, although the last two days I only drank 3 out of the four that I am supposed to.

I still don't like the vanilla, but I have found a way to drink it.  I found if I mix half chocolate and half vanilla with really cold water, I can drink in no problem without having to add anything extra... and using a shaker works just as good as the blender (less clean up lol)

I haven't really been hungry.  I have had to watch my daughter and her grandfather eat homemade burgers and fries in front of me.... Ive done grocery shopping for the family (that was hard), and Ive cooked meals for the kids... and I was fine!  I even wiped my finger off when I got gravy on it instead of licking it of lol

But today......

Today is an off day. 

I'm irritable, and emotional....
and I am also very constipated!  Which could also explain why I'm so irritable lol  Its probably one of the worst feelings in the world.  Mike went and bought me some Ex Lax... and I took two... even if I shouldn't have.. it was Necessary!

Anyway.. tomorrow is day 7.  One week down.. two to go.. which means two weeks till surgery!!!!

Day 2 of Optifast.......

Its not so bad :)  I actually like the chocolate one.. kind of lol   I put in extra water.. so its not so thick.. and today i tried it with banana extract and I really liked it!  Even adding a scoop of instant coffee and a bit of ice is good.. kind of like an ice cap from tims.....

The vanilla on the other hand.... its really sweet.. and hard for me to get down.  I added raspberry crystal light to it.. and it kind of tasted like a strawberry milkshake... but not really.  I thought adding ice might help... but it just made it harder to drink.  I think I will just have to live with gulping that kind.. but its only day 2.. and I will keep trying different flavors :) 

I don't feel hungry yet... we had a few half bags of chips in the house last night and my husband was kind enough to throw them out... I knew I wouldn't eat them.. but just knowing they were there was really bothering me.

So far so good though :)

May 24/11 - Day one of Optifast

So last night I had to break up a 30 year old relationship .. with food.. 

As one person put it.. it was more of a divorce... and in the words of a wise woman...

"That food was an a**hole anyway, and you re better off without it" lol

This morning I tried my first optifast.  My daughter told me to try the chocolate.  The kids were super curious about it!  I did add an extra 100ml of cold water... I didn't want it very thick.... I let both kids try a sip and they liked it... said it tasted like chocolate milk lol  

I thought it tasted a bit like Slimfast.  I really am glad I have my blender.. and even picked up a extra one to keep at work.  Im looking forward to trying all the different flavors!

I was sitting with the kids while they were having breakfast and my daughter said they would have soup for dinner and I can have my broth... my son said he didn't want soup.. and my daughter said, "Ewan, we have to be supportive to Mom"  soo cute!  I told them thank you.. but they still have to eat lol

Although I don't think I'm going to love these next few weeks...
I definitely think I can get through it.. and I know why I'm doing it...

My daughter (who's only 10 by the way)
after I made a face taking my last sip...
asked me "Is it worth it?" 
And I asked her "what do you think?" 
She said yes.

And then she went on to remind me that I will be able to ride bikes and go on the trampoline with her when I'm skinny.

I will never make that face again.

May 19/11

Today I had my P.A.T.T appointment.  I got there at about 11:30 (a half hour early)  The waiting room was really full but a really nice receptionist took me right away, and then sent me downstairs for x-rays.

I had to undress from the waist up and put on a gown.  Luckily the x-rays were done standing up and were not uncomfortable at all.  The technician only took two pictures so I was in and out in about 5 minutes.

I was sent back up to the P.A.T.T room where I only had to wait about 10 minutes for my next appointment.  They brought me in to have an ECG done (electrocardiogram)   Again I had to strip down to my bra (luckily I had a really nice lady this time)  She hooked up about 8 sticky things to me and ran a test that took no more than 30 seconds!  (those sticky things hurt coming off lol)

I was sent back to the P.A.T.T room to wait again.  It was SO busy that I had to stand for about 20 minutes until a chair opened up.  There were a few ladies sitting behind me at different stages of their journey... at one point they got on the subject of optifast.. and it definitely has me worried a bit!  They were all talking about how horrible it is, and how they gagged every time the had to drink it.  Hopefully they didn't try all the things that I intend to and it will be delicious lol

Anyway.. then I was called in for blood work.  Now.. I am a body piercer.  I have been for 5 years now.  Putting needles in people does not bother me and blood does not bother me.. but for some reason... watching someone take blood out of me... bothers me very much lol

Once again I was sent back to the waiting room... and waited... and waited.  They were sooo busy!  They say the process takes 1 - 2 hours but I myself was there for 3 1/2 and others that I have talked to had to wait even longer.. so if you are going.. make sure you set aside most of the day!  Thankfully I brought a good book and my cellphone to play on while I waited!!

Finally I was called into the nurses office.  She checked my height and weight, and them went on to check my blood pressure and heart rate.  She asked me every question under the sun (all the same questions that I have answered at least 5 times since the start of this process)  She did seem a bit preoccupied... lots of interruptions.. phone calls and people coming in to ask her questions.. but she apologized every time.  She then went over the ins and outs of the operation and about my stay at the hospital.  There are little exercises that I have to do every few hours...  She did keep asking me about my sleep study and Dr. Shirkin which I thought was weird since that was such a good appointment.  Anyway... back to the waiting room.

By this time I was so tired and mentally worn out that I almost fell asleep sitting up lol  I was finally called into the anesthesiologists office.  His name was Dr. Bernstien (which I thought was very funny.)  He was quick and to the point because he was running behind and even said on the phone that he was probably going to have to send people home without seeing them.  He wend over the actual procedure and what to expect when I wake up... because of the meds and the breathing tube... which I kind of already knew from when I had my tubes tied.  He also asked me about my sleep study.  When I told him my results he looked very confused.  he said that in Dr. Shirkins report it said that I do have moderate sleep apnea.   Now I was the one that was confused!

Right when I thought I was finally going to be able to go home, the nurse came in and said that I had to book a follow up with Dr. Shirkin before the surgery.  All of a sudden I thought my surgery was going to be cancelled or postponed.. but then she came back and told me I could just head over to his office when I was done.

So I said goodbye to Dr. Bernstein and went next door to check in.  Dr. Shirkins receptionist read over my file.  She said that yes, I did in fact have sleep apnea and that during my sleep study I stopped breathing 18 times!

I'm sorry .. but how do you miss something like that the first time around?  She said that the Dr. would set me up with a Cpap machine (which is not cheap)

When I went in to see him, he also read over my file and agreed that there was a mistake but because I was so close to surgery, and that it hasn't really affected my sleep that much  that they would just keep and eye on me after surgery.  He said that the surgery is 100% going to sure my sleep apnea anyway so threes no point in paying for the machine.  If I need one in the hospital, they will supply it.

So FINALLY I was allowed to go home!!!  It was a very long day, 2 hours to get there, 3 1/2 hours there, and 2 hours to get home.... but I know that everything they did was completely necessary and I would do it all again in a heartbeat.

(I'm just glad its over lol)

So... that's it!  I'm going away to Niagara Falls for the long weekend with my husband and two good friends... I cant think of a better way to spend my last few days before I start optifast on Tuesday!!!!

The next time I go to H.R.R.H will be on June 1th at 8:30am to finally have my Gastric Bypass.. and finally start living my life!!!!!

Beautiful by Bethany Dillion

"Beautiful"

I was so unique
Now I feel skin deep
I count on the make-up to cover it all
Crying myself to sleep cause I cannot keep their attention
I thought I could be strong
But it's killing me

Does someone hear my cry?
I'm dying for new life

[Chorus]
I want to be beautiful
Make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart,
and be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
Just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful

Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me
Fighting to make the mirror happy
Trying to find whatever is missing
Won't you help me back to glory

[Chorus]

You make me beautiful
You make me stand in awe
You step inside my heart, and I am amazed
I love to hear You say
Who I am is quite enough
You make me worthy of love and beautiful

May 6/11

So today is my 30th Birthday!  I feel good.. even great!  Much better than my 29th let me tell you!  For some reason I was more scared to turn 29 than 30...  but I think I know why!

At 29 I didn't know yet that a year from then I was going to be on this amazing journey.  At 29 I had pretty much lost hope, and hated who I had allowed my self to become.  I thought, "I'm almost Thirty... and look at me!!!  This is not how I want to spend the rest of my life... a life that we only get one chance at.  I don't want to be a fat girl forever"

But now here I am, one year later, with a whole new outlook on life.  In two weeks I start my optifast, and in 5 weeks I have my surgery.  The best 30th birthday present I ever could have asked for!

So bring on my 30's!  I think this is going to be one of the hardest, but most gratifying years of my life!  And I most definitely can not wait to celebrate my 31st birthday, a few pounds lighter, and a few clothing sizes smaller!

                                THIRTY, FLIRTY & THRIVING!!!!

April 19/11

So it is four weeks till I go for my P.A.T.T.S and just over a month until I start my Optifast!  I have it sitting  my shelf in my kitchen, and every day it reminds me of how close I am to my surgery!

 

Ive been reading and hearing for months and months now about how horrible Optifast is and how hard it is to take.  I'll admit it got to me and it almost makes me want to try a package now just so I know what Im getting into! 

The amazing part about the forums that I read is that for every post that says how awful Optifast is, there is another one with suggestions on how to make it taste better!

There was one particular post by Tracy112205 that was so helpful that I had to write it down and share with others for when they have to go through this stage as well!  I plan on trying as many of these as I can, and I will let you know which ones worked best for me!

OPTIFAST IDEAS
* always use extra liquid  and lots of ice (the colder the better)

VANILLA
~Root beer extract
~Cinnamon
~Cold Decaf Coffee
~Pineapple passion fruit Crystal Light, Rum extract, Coconut extract,   Banana extract (instant pina colada)
~a splash of Sugar Free caramel syrup
~one tsp of decaf instant coffee and Maple extract

CHOCOLATE
~Coconut extract
~Sugar Free caramel syrup
~Mint extract (Ive been advised to use a small amount as it is extra strong)
~Orange extract
~Banana extract
~strong decaf mint tea
~cold decaf coffee

I also read that the DaVinci Syrups are really good as well.

I know I seem to be preparing for the worst, and although Id LOVE to be the odd one that actually likes Optifast ... Im going to load up on this stuff.. just in case!  Having to take four packages a day for 3 weeks is too much of a gamble not too!!!